November 20th is celebrated annually as the Transgender Day of Remembrance. This is a day in which we collectively remember and mourn lives lost due to acts of anti-transgender violence. The week leading up to this day is often spent spreading awareness and facts about transgender individuals and the LGBTQ+ community.
While I’m not transgender, I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community and have many friends who are transgender. I do my part by sharing as many articles as I can, and just being there for my friends during each step of their journeys. I’ve jumped up and down when a friend tells me they may be starting testosterone soon, and I’ve been there when gender dysphoria is at it’s worst. My trans friends inspire me to be strong, and to not be afraid to live my own life as the best me I can be. The past week really got me thinking about the impact of LGBTQ+ inclusion in everyday life, and how small things can go a long way in the eyes of transgender individuals.
I recently went out to eat with three of my friends that I hadn’t seen in awhile. Two of them are both FTM transgender (female-to-male). On our way out the door, the man working the register yelled out a quick “Have a great day ladies!”, and after a moment he corrected himself saying “And men!”. The smiles on both my friends' faces were some of the brightest smiles I had seen in a long time. We all agreed that we would definitely go back there to eat.
I was so happy to have been somewhere that is so accepting and respectful of all people. A quick fix of his wording boosted confidence and gained him some returning customers. A win-win situation!
After learning more about non-binary individuals and shaping myself into a more androgynous person a few years ago, I conditioned myself to use they/them pronouns, especially when meeting new people. I frequent anime and comic conventions, so I’m constantly meeting a wide range of people. I want to make sure I don’t misgender anyone even though it may be a mistake, so I always play it safe until I feel comfortable enough to ask, or they tell me their pronouns. While I'm usually comfortable with she/her pronouns, I also use they/them (typically when meeting someone new) and my heart swells when I hear someone refer to me with gender-neutral pronouns. It’s so easy to use gender-inclusive phrases, and your awareness can go a long way. I always take notice when someone is being inclusive, and it makes me think that much more highly of someone since they are visibly respectful of who they might be speaking to.
One of the most impactful experiences I’ve had was talking a very good friend of mine through a really bad day just last week. This friend, who happens to live 2,000 miles away, is MTF transgender. Hearing how broken she feels about living alone for the first time and trying to get back into the dating game makes me want to hop on a plane and go wrap her up in a hug. It’s easy to tell her that her parts don’t matter, but it’s harder to make her see, and even harder for me to understand how it might feel to be in her position.
I wish she could see how beautiful she really is, on the outside and the inside, and just how many people are here for her. To be honest, the first time I saw her I didn’t even think she was trans! It’s difficult to live so far away when she needs someone, but I am hopeful that one day soon I’ll be able to tell her she’s beautiful in person and show her that all you really need in life are some really good friends.
If you learn anything from my own experiences, I hope you learn that there’s more than just you out in the world. I hope you learn that everyone deserves respect. While some of you may not agree with the decisions of the LGBTQ+ community, you don’t have the right to be disrespectful when all we are doing is living, just like you are.
All we ask for is to be able to live in peace and to have the same rights as everyone else.
So think. What would you feel like if you were denied the simple right of choosing how you live?