Now that graduation is upon me, I’ve been thinking a lot about my student career. It all started at Brookdale Community college. I graduated with an associates degree. I transferred to a four-year college for my bachelors. And that college was Rutgers.

As I’m nearing the end, I’m beginning to think that community college wasn’t such a good idea. Although I’ve spent a majority of my time telling myself that it was overall worth it, in the end, I can’t help but think about all the things I’ve missed out on: the classes, freshmen experiences, social experiences, and opportunities.

It’s difficult to leave one school and restart at another. Yet, if I could go back and change my decision, I don’t think I would. Transferring isn’t for everyone and the overall experience has been bittersweet. Whether transferring is a great or horrible idea depends on the student, here are my reasons why I’m still on the fence about it.

1. The lack of social opportunities

Freshman year is the time to truly build friendships. You befriend your roommate, you meet people in your dorm, you attend events geared toward freshmen and get involved. Plus you’ll probably end up finding friends throughout the classes that focus on your major throughout the semesters.

However, whether you’re coming from a community college or another four-year college, whatever year you transfer in is basically your second freshman year. What I mean by this is that when I came to Rutgers I didn’t feel like a junior. I felt as lost as a freshman. I knew nothing and knew no one, just as I did my original freshmen year. And if you’re shy like me, chances are, it’ll take the whole year to fully adjust.

If you’re from a community college, chances are social events were limited. There are no sorority parties, multiple wide-ranging events throughout the year, and not as many clubs. Rutgers introduced me to over five hundred clubs alone, showing an entirely different social side of a college experience.

2. I left apart of myself behind

Similar to social interactions, when you make friends at your old school, they won’t be coming with you to your new one. Transferring colleges is essentially pressing the restart button. Unless you’ve found your best-friend-until-the-end, chances are, your old school friends will be left behind (just like most high school friends.) You’ll become a different person from who you were there, with a new set of friends and knowledge. Plus, when I transferred, these upper-level classes completely tossed what I had learned out the window. You ultimately leave two years of your life behind at your last school when it all could’ve been built at one school.

3. The transfer shock

One of the biggest issues any transfer student faces is the shock. For me, transferring from a college with two or three separate buildings within walking distance to a five-campus college where you have to bus basically everywhere… impacted me a lot. From the change of driving versus a bus (I have and never will drive my car on this campus), to dorming experiences, to the expectations of classes — all of it piles up and overwhelms you. I was overwhelmed with the sudden increase of homework, office hours, and time to travel by bus. Plus, coming from a classroom that fits twenty students into a lecture hall that seats two hundred blew my mind. You suddenly become a lesser focus. The professors aren’t as personal with you as they were before, since they have to take care of two hundred students. And office hours aren’t always useful. My first semester was a wreck because I struggled to keep up with the readings, papers, and responses before class. Also, I missed a lot of my friends and had no one really to turn to.

It’s an extremely rough transition for anyone who isn’t fully prepared.

4. The "transfer transition" course

In order to potentially avoid transfer shock, many schools require transfer students to take a short class on “transferring.” Sure, it gives out some useful information about how to look up a book online or scheduling your time, but overall, it’s a waste. For me personally, it was a waste of 1.5 credits and time that I could’ve used to do homework that I desperately needed to do. An hour and a half, once a week, was wasted attending a class that no one wanted to be in. Plus, we were required to do at least five school events (that weren’t even fun or educational really) in order to receive a passing grade. And if you failed, it would be put back on your schedule the next semester. My hatred for this class still haunts me simply because how annoying it really was.

5. My lack of time where I need it

When I picked my classes for the last time, I had a difficult time choosing. There were so many classes that seemed interesting or helpful that I could’ve taken earlier as electives, yet my time in my previous college obviously prevented this. I ran out of time to do the things I truly wanted or take the classes I would’ve loved. Jumping right into junior year when you’re a freshman all over again is stressful and time sensitive. You immediately need to look for internships, programs, and any clubs that could make you look good, all while struggling with transfer shock in a place you barely know.

Yet...

6. I was able to save money

Let’s be real here: community college is cheap. Two years at a community college was $20,000. My first year alone was $30,000. One of the obvious reasons why people do community college first is to save money. You live at home and have a better opportunity to work and save a whole lotta cash while doing it.

7. I had the ability to work

The courses are slightly easier in community college. Due to the flexible schedule and relaxed amount of homework, I was able to work forty hours versus the fifteen I do now. You can live at home and work nearby and save up all the money you make (to pay for loans, of course).

8. I completed my gen eds and focused on my major

Everyone has to take general education classes. Yet by transferring in with an associates degree, I was able to consider my general classes done and focus on my major instead of taking a random math class I will never need for a lot more money. I took all classes that were involved with my major and minor instead of switching around. Most of the time, the quality of classes is significantly better at a four-year institution. Although I feel like I had learned a lot from my old school, Rutgers has taught me a tremendous amount more, all regarding my specified major.

However, not everyone gets all their credits transferred. Yes, here’s the bittersweet aspect once again: when you transfer with 60+ credits and only 30 of them count.

9. Community college prepared me for college when I wasn't ready

If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I was ready for a four-year university. From the expectations to the work to the school itself, I’m almost glad I didn’t go to Rutgers first. Sure, I missed out on a lot, but I gained a lot as well. I was introduced to the ways of college in the simplest terms. I did hobbies I don’t have time for now, I saved money, ventured places, worked, spent time with my family, and grew relationships with friends that I may have left behind if I had gone away.

I think community college truly prepared me for the rest of my academic career. Sometimes you’re not ready to leave home, whether it’s because of financial, health, mental health, or family reasons. So when I look back and ask myself if I would go to Rutgers or any four-year university first, I’m not sure I would say yes. Measuring pros and cons can only work for the individual person. But as for me, of course, my life would’ve been different. But, I don’t think I could say it would’ve been any better or happier or fulfilling than it is right now. I believe I wasn’t ready at eighteen for the college I’m at now and I believe community college paved the way to make me ready.

Yet... I still can't help but think back and wish my four years were spent here.

In the end, it’s all really... bittersweet.