Dear toxic person in my life,
I don't know whether I should thank you or yell at you. You practically ruined me... but you also made me a stronger person.
When you first came into my life, I was ecstatic. I was so happy to have made a new friend. I wanted us to become best friends. I'm not sure why, because I'm not usually like this, but I trusted you right away. I guess that was my first mistake.
I told you all of my secrets and you told me all of yours. It was really cool. And then I found out that you were going around and telling people my secrets. MY secrets. The secrets that I trusted you with. It felt like I was being stabbed 500 times with a dull knife, and each time you would twist the knife a little bit more.
I tried to pretend that it didn't bother me... what you were doing. But good god it hurt so much. When I confronted you about it, you told me that you didn't know what I was talking about. I took your word for it and went straight back to trusting you.
You made my senior year of high school very interesting, to say the least. I was excited to get to do all of the stereotypical "senior" things in Downingtown. I was excited to participate in our SIX senior skip days. I was excited to go to Shady Maple with the majority of the senior class. I was excited to play our "friendly water game." I was excited for my last year of high school marching band. I was excited to get to drive myself to school on days that my mom's schedule would allow it. I was excited to get to do so many things that I had never done in my entire life... but because of you, I lived in constant fear. I lived in constant fear that more people would hear about my darkest secrets. I lived in constant fear that more people would start to hate me because of what crazy rumors might be flying around about me. I lived in constant fear of you.
It got to the point where I was too scared to leave my house because I was scared that you would be there waiting for me. I was scared you would throw all of your problems on me... LIKE YOU ALWAYS DID... and then yell at me if I ever had anything of my own going on. You texted me every day telling me that you loved me a lot... yet every other day we were fighting.
Fighting with you made me feel weak. It made me feel powerless. I was vulnerable... all because of you. You made me feel so worthless every time we argued, but then you would apologize. We would always get along for a few days after you apologized... but then you'd go right back to treating me the way you always did.
You made me hate me. I would constantly have your voice stuck in my head telling me how worthless I am. It hurts.
Dear toxic person in my life,
Thank you so so much for ruining me. I was doing so well before I met you. But since I met you, I've become the strong and independent girl that I am today. Over time, you taught me not to listen to shit that people say about me... so thank you for that.
