Disclaimer: This article is purely satirical, and I do not in any way condone breaking school rules/laws in lectures or at all.
You could be basic and wear a nice comfy pullover with sweatpants and sneakers, but you're here because you are an avant-garde trendsetter, a visionary, an outside-the-box kinda thinker. Like me, you're always looking to make a statement next time you roll into that early morning lecture armed with only an iced coffee and five hours of sleep. Here's some inspiration to get you started.
1. Your PJs
If you're like me and always looking to minimize the time between dragging myself out of bed and chasing down my bus, this one is for you. Personally, I'm an au-natural kinda gal, and my favorite set of pajamas is just my birthday suit. If it's chilly, maybe a t-shirt and undies. Either way, not only will this save a lot of time and effort but last time I tried this one, lecture got canceled on the spot! For me at least. I also had to have a meeting with the school for some reason.
2. A Hazmat suit
Nothing feels more like a dark omen than when the kid next to you can't stop sneezing. Some people opt for face masks and washing their hands regularly to avoid catching whatever nasty bug is floating around, but unfortunately, this won't guarantee you'll be spared. If you want to stay healthy, you gotta be ready to make big changes. Look no further than a snazzy Hazmat suit. This option isn't the cheapest. If you want the best money can buy (the lecture hall could be radioactive, you just never know these days!), you're looking at upwards of $1,000. I still think it's a worthy investment, because not only will the suit prevent all exposure to pathogens, but no one will want to sit next to you anyway. Win-win!
3. Your most formal attire
You know what they always say, dress for the grade you want, not the grade you have. If you are willing to wake up a couple hours early and spend most of that time practicing "power poses" in the mirror to boost your confidence, you've got this. Professors are used to looking into a sea of zombies dressed like they've lost the will to live, and that's your secret weapon right there. When they see how much effort you put into your look, they will know what a serious student you are, and how deeply you care about this class. To a tenured professor who hates teaching this 100-level class just as much as you hate taking it, this is a breath of fresh air. Impressed by your initiative and dedication, they may very well hand you an A on the spot. At the very least, you might score a date with that cutie who always sits behind you!
4. Anything, but with a Camelbak full of vodka
Ok, not an outfit, but this one you can combine with any of the others on this list! Why even bother absorbing the material when you ditch this lecture half the time anyway? It's not like you are seeking higher education to learn stuff or get your life together. That would be ridiculous. With this fashion statement, your most dreaded class will instantly become your favorite! Just don't let any of your classmates share, unless you've got that Hazmat suit on.
5. Whatever you usually wear anyway
Blend in with all the normies with the secret knowledge that you made an intentional, radical choice when choosing your outfit. You are making a bold statement about the collective identity of millennial college students and the endless struggle of academic life, represented by your low maintenance RSO sweatshirt, jeans with a mustard stain on the thigh, and worn-out Birkenstocks. Meanwhile, your classmates refused to think creatively or try anything new for once. What a shame.
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