I could literally write an entire novel on this, but for now I'll just give y'all the abridged version. My interest in human sexuality dates back all the way to first grade when a male friend of mine asked me what a vagina looks like and whether or not a baby actually comes out of it. I told him that vaginas are pink and weird looking. Then another girl jumped in and asked me if vaginas could be different colors. I thought that question was stupid because I just assumed that all of them looked the same way, but now that I'm more mature and educated about sex, I've come to realize that I couldn't have been further from the truth. Afterwards, we all had a debate on where babies actually come from. Some people, like me, were sure they came out of the vagina; others stood by their belief that babies normally go out of a female's stomach. Later on that evening you could only imagine the puzzled look on my mom and dad's face when I told them what my friends and I talked about at recess earlier on that day. Now flash forward many years later to my senior year in college. I was looking at random Buzzfeed videos on YouTube and then noticed that on the right-hand side in the "suggested videos" part there was a video titled "A Day in the Life of a Sexologist", so I did what any sane high schooler would do and watched it. It only took less than a minute into the video before I thought to myself "BAM. My true destiny has been unlocked. This is what I was born to do."

“What do your parents think about it?”

The funny thing is that my parents didn't know about my aspiring career until just recently. Obviously my parents had already known that I would go to school for undergrad as a psych major, but for the longest time I tried to beat around the bush about what kind of field in psychology I actually wanted to go into because I didn't know how they would react. Earlier this year I went to a sex conference at Roosevelt University, and my parents were definitely suspicious about why I took two days off school here to go to another school only to talk about sex. Finally a few months ago at the beginning of summer my dad called me into the living room one day and asked "Let's talk about grad school for a sec. You still want to go to UNCG for grad school, right?" I could almost feel my throat swell up I was so nervous. Then I had no other choice but to tell him the truth. As much as I do have an appreciation for the college I go to now, there's nothing for me here anymore. My true passions lie in getting an education that'll help me become a certified clinical sexologist, and in order to do that I have no other choice but to eventually leave the state. After I explained that to him, he said "Oh wow. That's cool!" I immediately felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. My mom ended up taking the news way better than I thought she would have too. Keep in mind that I not only was a born and raised in the Bible belt south my whole entire life, but I grew up in a Christian household as well. More often than not, the church either tends to associate sexuality with shame or they aren't sure how to tackle that subject in its entirety. All I can do is thank God that my parents are accepting people and they're my biggest supporters.

“Wow. Your boyfriend must really, really love you, doesn’t he?”

I understand why people say this, but I'd like to think that I have many other amazing and redeeming qualities other than the fact that I enjoy learning about sex and sharing that knowledge with others. My desire to become a sexologist doesn't automatically make me a sex guru though. Communication will always be key no matter what relationship I'm in. If anything, it just helps me contextualize sex in more of a scientific standpoint.

“So you must be pretty experienced then, huh?”

To be completely honest there are only two people on earth I can actually say I've had a lot of experience with. I've always considered myself a bit of a late bloomer as far as anything remotely sexual goes. For starters, I didn't have my first boyfriend until freshman year in high school. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 16, and even at that point the furthest I had ever gone sexually was making out until I went to college and then engaged in my first sexual relationship mid freshman year which still never escalated to us sleeping together. It wasn't actually until several months after I turned 21 that I lost my virginity. So as you can probably imagine, if a person waits a long to have sex and then not only finds someone they have a connection with, but actually enjoys the sex they have with them then obviously they're going to want to do it all the time, right? Right.

“What are some simple ways to spice up my sex life?”

The key to keeping your sex life alive is to never rule anything out completely. You may think about one sexual act and say "Nah, I don't think I could do that", but trying unconventional things is the key. If there are some things you're completely off limits to then that's fine, and your partner should respect that. Although, if you're at least open to considering new things then that'll get you farther into exploring pleasurable things you may have never even thought of before. You don't have to go overboard and ask your partner to throw a microwave at your head as a form of foreplay. It can be as simple as altering the smallest things. If you always have sex at night with the lights off then start having more sex during the day so then even if the lights were off, it wouldn't matter because the natural light of the day creeps through the windows. If it seems like you just can't find the time to have sex because you're always at work or class then have your partner visit you during your lunch break or find you in between classes to have a spontaneous quickie. If you just so happen to be making breakfast for your partner then add some whip cream to their cakes...and I'm not talking about the pancakes on the plate. Spicing up your sex life is easier than you think it is. Just don't be a one trick pony.

“So does the G-spot really exist?”

The short answer is yes. However, there are many conflicting arguments about what it is and what actually happens when it is stimulated. The only thing that's evident is that finding it will come with a lot of practice and patience. The best thing you can do to find it is through self exploration first and then with a partner second. If you or your partner are using your fingers then try and reach up in the direction of your belly button. Make sure you make a repeated "come hither" motion. As far as actual sex positions go, the two positions that I have personally found to be the best for G-spot stimulation are doggy style and cowgirl. There is one caveat to this though. It's not only just those positions alone that work, but rather the specific techniques that were being done in those particular positions that made the G-spot stimulation happen. For starters, I made sure the arch in my back was damn near immaculate. Also, the penetration I was receiving wasn't just an in-and-out motion the whole time, but more-so of a legitimate stroke. It also helps when I'm literally on hands/elbows and knees while both of us are on the bed or the couch rather than me just being bent over the bed or sink...not that that's not pleasurable as well, but me being on my knees helped me maneuver my hips in the position it needed to be. For the cowgirl position, it helped when I leaned back and maintaining an arch in my back while being grabbed on the waist so I could still ride and being thrusted at the same time. The best way to describe it is that it literally feels like the motion of the waves on the beach. There are most likely other ways to reach G-spot stimulation, but those two have been the successful for me personally.

“How do I get my partner to want and initiate sex more often?”

This is probably the top 3 most common concerns people have talked to me about. Part of me wants to just come out and say that differing sex drives is an issue that is almost impossible to fix long-term; another part of me likes to come up with discrete ways anyway for them to get their partner to want and initiate sex as often as they do. There are a few things I do suggest. First, try backing off completely. Don't keep the person to initiate sex. Barely touch them at all. Almost make it seem like your body language around them is sending borderline aloof signals without coming off as completely uninterested. Maybe that kind of reverse psychology will make them want sex more because you're not constantly asking for it. Second, you may not want to back off completely but at least make sure your actions don't always have a means to an end kind of basis. In other words, not every move you make needs to lead to sex. Touch your partner, cuddle with them, give them a massage, go on a romantic date, take a shower together, have a sexy photoshoot between the two of you, etc. Just make sure that your affection is solely based on first intimacy rather than sex. Third, just be honest with them even if it means that someone has to get dumped in the process. I know it's not a popular choice, but you have to be blunt in situations like these if the problem still remains. If you two decide that it's best to go separate ways then always be respectful of the situation as well. Don't be harsh and call them a prude or any other similar words. The same goes on the other hand as well. Don't demonize your partner and make them feel abnormal for having a high sex drive. The fact of the matter is that life is too short to be stuck with someone you aren't actually sexually compatible with.