Right now, the first Google suggestion that autocompletes when you type in "Hillary Clinton" is "seizure." When I got the AP alert that Hillary Clinton had collapsed after her visit to the 9/11 memorial, I audibly groaned. Of course the media would blow it way out of proportion. But it wasn't until I got online this afternoon that I saw the truly absurd conclusions people were jumping to. Sick Hillary has taken the Internet by storm. Here are the top 5 most ridiculous things people are saying about Hillary Clinton's pneumonia:
1. She lied about having pneumonia, just like she lies about everything!
On NBC's Today, Nicole Wallace actually said "The Clintons can't come clean about anything, including cold and flu season." Hillary Clinton didn't come clean about her diagnosis until two days after the fact, claiming that she simply "didn't know it would be that big of a deal." Surprise! She's a human being who can't see the future. Seriously, Hillary Clinton had no obligation to publicly announce that she had a minor illness that she didn't know would effect her campaign. But now she has, and we can move on. Not only that, but Clinton has now released her entire medical history. It's readily available for anyone who wants to Google "Hillary Clinton medical history." Ditto tax returns. You know who hasn't released his tax returns? I'll just let you guess.
2. BUT IS SHE CONTAGIOUS????
Yes, this is the genuine title of a Fox News article. To be fair, several members of Clinton's campaign team had recently fallen ill, but nowhere in this article is that mentioned. It's not like she's going to infect all of America with her pneumonia. All the article did wasweirdly try to determine whether her pneumonia is viral or bacterial. But even if she has viral pneumonia and is contagious (which Clinton spokesman Brian Fallon said she isn't), she'll most likely be back to normal in a few weeks, and will be back on the campaign trail long before then.
3. Clinton might lose to Trump now.
Is this news? Okay, she's taking a weekend off from campaigning. She has a common illness that can typically be cured in under two weeks. The threat that Trump might win has always been real. This is not changing. Let's be honest, a minor health episode is a stupid reason to switch your vote from a reasonable, experienced politician to a bigoted Oompa Loompa.
4. Bring back Bernie Sanders!
I'm from Vermont and I'm a huge Bernie fan. I voted for him in the primary. But even aside from the DNC's conspiring against him, he lost and endorsed Clinton. Plus, even if she dropped out of the race because of an actual serious health issue, there's only a slim chance Bernie would be elected. But here's the thing: she's not going to. She's fine. SHE HAS PNEUMONIA. SHE'S NOT DYING.
5. Hillary secretly has Parkinson's Disease, actually DIED after having a stroke at the 9/11 memorial, and has been replaced by a body double who was photographed walking near Chelsea Clinton's apartment.
I don't even have to explain this one.
Here's what nobody's saying: it's actually pretty freaking metal that Hillary Clinton tried to push through her pneumonia and showed up to the 9/11 memorial in spite of it. And that a day later, she's not at home with a cup of tea, she's onstage defending herself to Anderson Cooper. Of course she's sick! She works insane hours, travels a ton, and spends a lot of time giving hugs to strangers. It would be more suspicious if she never had any health issues. Seriously, Internet, this is perfectly normal. Stop freaking out.