It is 3:00 PM on Christmas Day. Standing in the kitchen, you feel all of the blood in your body rush to your face. Your face begins to heat and you don't even know how you are standing or what has just happened. You can not cry. You are in shock, you are in denial, you are hurt, but you don't quite understand the tragedy that begins to unfold in front of you. The paramedics rush in and push you all out of the room for everyone's safety and you feel hopeless, you feel regret. You stand there replaying your last conversation and hating yourself for not saying more. You cannot move, you cannot even lift a finger, shed a tear. You are frozen. The paramedics come out of the room and "regret to inform you" that your grandmother has passed away. Everyone around you has an automatic response to cry, but you cannot utter a word, you cannot say anything that will change the situation that is lying in front of you.

"You can go in and see her now. The medical examiner will be here shortly."

I never in my life have felt such a rush of energy flow through my stiff and at that time, fragile bones. My legs felt like jelly being held together by sticks and tape. They had covered her in a blanket and all that was exposed was her hand. I sat down beside her and stared at her hand for 10 minutes before taking it into mine. It was so cold. I was in disbelief that the life of my dearest grandmother had left her body. Feeling that energy leave her hit me like a brick wall. Without noticing, the tears shed fro my face created a pool on the rug beneath me and soaked my shirt. Everything in the room was quiet even though it was evident my mother was crying. I could hear nothing. I could not process the tragic loss my family had just suffered and I struggled with understanding how to feel at that time. Was I happy that she passed surrounded by those who loved her the most? Was I horrified that I was sitting here with her hand in mine?

Seven months later, I look back on this moment and I will treasure that experience for the rest of my life. If you have ever lost someone, anyone at all, you know the feelings that flood your heart every time their name or a belonging of yours is in sight. We have all lost someone in our lives and we think from time to time what we could have said, anything we could have done, what we wish our last moments could have been. You look into the future at events you were supposed to go to together, graduation they were going to attend, future holidays and family vacations they were supposed to be a part of. I get through everyday knowing that my grandmother was proud of me.

It is important to not forget as humans that not all life is forever, and that someday we will all cease to live, even our loved ones will cease to live, but their legacy and their memories and their stories will live on forever. When you think about them, say their name, hold their belongings close to you and remember what it meant to them, and what it means to you. They went too soon, but they will not be forgotten.