Disappointment seems to be my life. I've been broken, hurt, verbally abused, bullied, been the bully, and cried so many nights I thought I would lose my voice. I've thought life was too much to handle at times. I've been suicidal, depressed, but I never tried to get help until now. After months of therapy on campus, I've been working to become a person I actually like.

To a stranger, I might seem fine, but it's because I was always taught to never reveal my true feelings because when I did, no one would care or listen to me.

I do have commitment issues, and that's connected to feeling completely alone for years.

Even though you're related to someone, doesn't mean they'll care about you. I remember one cousin, in particular when I was in middle school. We emailed a lot and called each other. She lives in another country, but I thought we could be close.

There weren't many relatives in our state, so I was really excited to be able to connect with someone. Come to find out, when I revealed what I was going through, she went ghost on me. Funny how people say, nothing is more important than family, right? It wasn't just one person. It seemed like I was being constantly ignored by relatives, so I stopped caring about them.

I would rather care about someone who actually gives a damn. The same goes for friends, ex-friends, and acquaintances. For those that left my side, I do not care about you anymore because the only time I think about you, is to learn how to treat others even better.

Those "relatives" that I have, I do not see them as family. You are all strangers to me, so pardon me if I no longer look at you or want to know how you are. Even if you do ask about me. Pardon me, but you hurt my feelings.

I often think about how my life would turn out if I had a normal life. Meaning, no bullies, no drama, no commitment issues, had relatives that actually cared, outgoing, and thriving in life.

I would think I might be happier, but I am thankful I have the opportunity to feel these emotions. I might not be the luckiest person in the world, but I can say, I am one of the most kind-hearted people yet outspoken and will stand up for myself.

I can imagine myself feeling free while I gaze into the ocean. How the waves cry out when it's raining and at night when it's peaceful. I would like my emotions to be like the ocean, peaceful, serene and beautiful. Oh, how I have changed so much.

I can finally imagine a future where I am happy. Someone in the past has told me that I look forward to the future too much that I don't enjoy the present. That is true.

I daydream more than I live in reality, but I want to change that. I promised myself to take each day by the hand and never forget how thankful I am to see the sun rise and set. Also, I like to count my blessings instead of sheep at night.