Dear Tim,
I cannot believe that you are gone.
Gone.
I have never experienced death before, and if I have learned anything- I have learned that we are never truly prepared.
It is funny to think the day before this news I had been on the phone with you, and of course, you were trying to help me out, as always.
You were saying that you wanted to help me get my hood fixed because two weeks prior when I picked you up after getting out of jail, we got into an accident. Even though you had just gotten out of jail and knew that you were homeless, facing the evilness of an addiction, you were so positive for me. You turned and looked at me and said: "Would you wanna switch places with me?" And of course I smiled and he smiled back and assured me that it could have been much worse.
You read me some of the letters you got from jail, and I told you we all have to give you some tough love for the sole purpose that we just wanted YOU back.
In the car, we talked about your mom's death, and you showed me the tattoo you got for her, and ironically it was the one year anniversary that he got out. If that isn't a sign I don't know what it.
You called me the week after and told me to have a wonderful time in Nantucket, and said that I deserved some time away.
I miss you so much. And I don't think that the word "miss" does enough justice.
My heart aches.
We had such a strong friendship, and I know that the spot in my heart for you will always be there. I don't know how I am going to live with knowing that I won't get a weekly check-in phone call and I won't get to see that smiling face and those beautiful blue eyes.
I know you are always with me, because when I got into the car after asking you for a sign, our song was playing, and yesterday I wanted to read the letter you wrote me and it said "I can't believe I am spending my 25th in jail but there will be many more." Even though you will not see another physical birthday, I know you will infinitely live on. I think your mom and Ryan miss you far too much and brought you home.
I will keep the wonderful memories in the front of my mind, like when we would go to the beach and you would find critters and when we would sit all night at Island Grove and we would talk for hours about everything and anything.
You were my go-to when I needed a pick me up, and I love you infinitely.
I know you are watching over us,
I love you Timothy Sean. Thank you for the joy you brought to my life.
Best,
Isabella