As someone who just graduated high school and has made some of the hardest decisions I’ve ever been faced with I know just how hard they can be and still I question if I made the right ones. It’s hard to understand how people who just barely became an “adult” can be expected to suddenly know where they want to go to college, what they want to do, and what they want their future to be like. I sure as hell don’t know the answers to those questions. Yet every day they are asked and I shamefully tell them that I’m not quite sure yet. That’s generally followed with an “It’s okay” and “You still have time” but those people don’t understand because I really don’t have time; the time that I have to make decisions is running out. However, I’m not here to talk about how awful it is to have this responsibility or suddenly have all these decisions to make because even though it’s hard I know that it will indeed be okay.
See, at first I would just rant about how people were just telling that I had time because they were being nice and didn’t want to tell me the truth, that I had deadlines that were coming up and that I needed to make these decisions as soon as possible. I also thought that they just felt bad for me because I didn’t know my plan while so many other people my age have known what they wanted to do for years now. It’s hard being faced with the same questions every day and it gets really old having that same answer every day and I trying to avoid it. I always assumed the answers to all of my questions would just appear one day and that I didn’t need to overthink it because it would just come to me when I needed them but that was not the case at all. Not knowing what you want to do is one of the most stressful things you can encounter. I’m still skeptical about not knowing what’s coming next, I like to have a plan and know what to expect so experimenting, trying new things, and “seeing where things go” have never appealed to me.
However, I’m starting to believe that it’s okay. I want to be happy and I want to share that happiness, and I now realize that I won’t be happy until I’m completely sure of what I want to do. I don’t want to feel stuck with a decision that I have made only to find out it’s the wrong one. I want to try new things, step out of my comfort zone, and find myself. Decisions are intimidating and it’s not easy not having the answers but the only way to know if the decisions that I’ve made were the right ones is to try it out and not be afraid, and that takes time.
To this day I’m still terrified but I’m starting to realize that that can be okay. Would I still like to know what my purpose is? Yes, but I’m beginning to accept that I’ll find out what that purpose is when I’m supposed to, maybe there are still things I need to learn and obstacles I need to face until I can be sure about what’s to come. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. Listen to the advice that you are given because it does come in handy. Don’t close your mind to new possibilities and ideas that you have been offered. The one thing I have learned and am sure of is that it’s okay to not know because you do have time. Maybe things aren’t necessarily how you imagined them, maybe you thought you would have figured it out by now but nothing is forever unless you want it to be, so take chances, try new things, and find that happiness you’re looking for.
