I was also in your place once. Last summer, I was wildly confident. Nothing could stand in my way. It felt so freeing to be this confident, like a daydream that I hoped would never go away. Then, the Fall semester of my sophomore year hit. The whole semester wasn’t terrible, just the last half. Still, I have no idea why I stopped being me. I refer to this halt as a strange phenomenon that I am still trying to figure out.

I could share one specific memory of my breaking point. After a night of hardly getting any sleep, I was extremely late for class. The week had already been terrible. I work at a dining hall on campus, and my shift started after class, so I had to pack my uniform to change into later. As I rushed out the door and walked down the road, I realized that I had forgotten my work hat. If I went back to get it, I would be even more late to class. In the midst of all this stress and unhappiness, I thought that if I could do one thing right, it would be to get to class on time. On that day, being early wasn’t an option. I stomped into my dorm room, called my mom, and broke down. I grew angry at myself for freaking out over such a little detail. Then it came to me. When everything is adding up, it’s the little things that break you. It happens to everyone.

I have always had a general sense of who I was and what I was capable of. But then, a switch flicked off inside of me. I lost all of my confidence in myself. My life became more like a routine and less spontaneous. I lost a lot of my motivation and energy to do anything. Of course I still attended class, studied, and worked, but I was unhappy. I felt like I was in pieces which couldn’t be glued back together. I’m going to school for writing, and even writing could no longer be a consistent beam of brightness in my life. Instead, almost everything I wrote was for an A, not because I was proud of it. All in all, I knew I needed to find my happiness, something that I was desperately longing for.

This may sound like seasonal depression. Especially because I felt this way during the beginning of the cooler months, when seasonal depression is more common. However, I am not sure. What I was sure of was that I had to work on getting myself to better place mentally. While this is an unfortunate situation, it’s not uncommon. I began to understand this, and it made me feel less alone. I realized that it’s important to look towards the future and see what good can happen. I also learned that it’s important to constantly supply yourself with self-love.

The famous phrase, “treat yo self” is the caption of many memes on the Internet. It usually refers to doing nice things for yourself. As funny as these memes may be, there is an important message to take away from them. To treat yourself doesn’t have to mean eating numerous cookies because you’re stressed out (I did just that and yes, I regretted it). Treating yourself means knowing when you need a break, or knowing what is positive and negative in your life. It’s knowing that there is room for improvement, growth and understanding. Eat all the cookies if you want, but know when you need to rest your mind, get your thoughts together, and realize that soon things will settle back into place.

After winter break, I started a fresh semester on a new leaf. I put myself in a better mindset and started to gain my confidence back. It’s amazing how much happier I am now then I was just a few months ago. I want everyone to know that things do change, as well as get better. The saying “Life is about learning” may be overused, but it’s true. It’s important to learn that not everyday will be a great day, as much as you would like it to be. And it’s important to work through those days.

So, to whoever’s reading this, if you feel like you lost yourself, I know how you feel. I also know that many others feel the exact way. Please know that these setbacks don’t last forever. The feelings you have right now are not permanent. Be open to change and like my mother always said, "Just breathe."