To my angel,
I guess my biggest question for you will always be “Why?” Why did you have to go so soon? Why couldn’t I just have a little bit more time? Why did this have to happen to you? I always find myself thinking just how unfair this world is to have taken you away from me. Not a day goes by that you don’t cross my mind and I start to get sad because I know you’re not here anymore.
There are times when I go out and I see something that reminds me of you and it starts to make me think of you. There are even times when I forget for a split second that you’re gone and I get the urge to call you. Then I get that familiar pain in my heart when I remember that you’re no longer with us. The amount of times that I’ve wanted to call you and just talk like we used to is unimaginable. I would give almost anything for one more conversation where you would just call me up and ask “Whatcha doin?” If I could have that one conversation I would talk and talk until I physically could no longer speak.
It pains me to think about all of the milestones that you’ve missed and all of the ones that you’re going to miss. Sometimes I even get a little jealous when I realize everyone else has their person but I don’t have mine. I think about my college graduation, my wedding day and all of the other moments in my life that you won’t be here to share with me. It’s just so unfair.
You had taught me so much in the time we had together and most of these things will always be remembered. You taught me how to parallel park and to this day I can master that thanks to you. You even taught me how a young lady should act and these mannerisms are what I live my life by. I see so much of you in myself and I absolutely love those parts of me.
Sometimes I regret that I started to distance myself from you when you got sick, but it was just hard to see such an independent person become someone who needed the help of others. There are many things that I wish I could change about our last moments together. If I had the chance I wish there would have been a “right” time to give a proper goodbye. But there is never a “right” time for any of this, and instead of regretting anything, I would rather look back and enjoy all the moments we had together.
I don’t think that missing you will ever be easy. In fact I’m not even sure how long it takes for the pain to go away, or even if this pain ever does. But I know that you are watching down on me and smiling because you know that everything will be alright even if I sometimes doubt that thought. You were such an amazing and influential person in my life and not a day goes by where I don’t feel a void in my heart. But I just need you to know, wherever you may be, that it was a great honor to have you in my life and I love you to the moon and back.