Ever felt like you were the odd one out?

I can remember always wondering if something was wrong with me. Why I was always the one who was laughed at, the one who people never really talked to first, and the one who didn't always get everything right. That doesn't make me a bad person, just someone who didn't really follow societies rules on how to live. Why was I destined to live this life where I had to suffer alone?

What do I mean by all this? I mean I wasn't a person that fit in. In school, especially high school, I was picked on several times because maybe I didn't make the best grades or had really frizzy hair that just didn't cooperate with me every day. Those things may seem silly now, but they made me who I am today. Who I am today is someone who doesn't know who she is yet. I have ideas, but I would be lying to you if I said I knew exactly who I am and who I want to be. I am 21 but could easily be 18 trying to decide what to do for the rest of my life.

I am the odd one out for sure. That is one thing I can tell you about me, if nothing else. Quirky is a word I would use for crazy people but I realize that sometimes I can too be crazy without realizing it. You know, we look at those people in some kind of struggle with themselves and/or the outside world and judge them based on our perception of what we see. I used to see emotional and reckless in those people, but as I got older, I saw myself in their struggle, a person who was hurt by something or someone in society and needs help and doesn't know where to find it. They don't fit the mold that society has given us.

There is an imaginary template that we all somehow have to fit to succeed in this new world we live in. We as college students live in a world that tells us being different is okay, but doesn't give us the definition of "different". Is different being a hipster? Being in different sororities? Having different hair colors? I think it is more than just what is on the outside. Because trust me, I have seen all those things before, and nothing says original like those things, am I right?

I have struggled with myself to understand who exactly I am trying to be different for? Because I am the odd one out, I have a complete understanding of how to say the wrong things in social situations and how to be aware of myself in a crowd of people who fake not being self aware. These kids I pass at universities and community college, they hide their true selves for acceptance. How crazy does that sound compared to someone that is trying to have both things? I wanted to be the cool kid and I wanted to be the hipster. I wanted to be the sorority girl but also the girl who goes to a mountain school and wears Chacos and has a variety of headbands. I can't be both people. They can't be both either. But are these people the odd ones out? Maybe in some ways they are, but in many ways social media has given them an immense amount of sideline coverage into what their lives look like. And I must say, it sure doesn't look too bad.

So who am I? The judgmental keyboard warrior who can say whatever she wants because she has a platform or the girl who just wants people to know that differences between us only make us stronger and make us work together? I can't tell you how to live your life as the odd one out, but I can tell you that even though I feel alone in my oddness sometimes, it isn't that bad to be that person.