When we first met, I really wasn’t sure how I felt about you. I was hesitant about getting to know you and I didn’t know if I was ready to let someone new into my life. Several weeks went by before we actually hung out. We immediately clicked and I was pretty certain I made the right decision. Things started moving quickly, like really quickly. You were over all of the time and we did not go a day without seeing each other. Whenever you had a free moment, we were on the phone. Every night there was a goodnight phone call before going to bed. Hanging out turned into sleeping over and talking turned into hours of deep conversations about things that weren’t really spoken about with other people.
We let each other in and we did it fast. You know things about me that I would not dare tell other people. I told you about personal situations that most people don’t care to listen to and you understood me. Although we were extremely different, we had so much in common too. The biggest thing we shared was our understanding of each other’s problems. I truly felt that I could talk to you about anything.
I risked a lot being with you, although it was just for a short time. We were in the grey area. We weren’t dating, but we were definitely not just friends – we were, as millennials like to call it, talking. You said you wanted a relationship, but never pushed towards one. You told me you didn’t like being in limbo, but you didn’t want things to end. I thought we were working on it, I thought we were going in the right direction.
Yes, it is scary to move quickly and yes, it is scary to be all in, but I was ready. You knew that I had a rough past and you knew that I had trouble trusting, but I trusted you anyway. I knew that you had trouble trusting and I gave you every reason to trust me, but you were scared I would walk away. I was as loyal to you as I could possibly be, but that wasn’t enough, you still couldn’t find the strength to trust me whole-heartedly.
The funny thing is, I never thought for a second that you would be the one to walk out. I had my worries, but I trusted that you would be the guy who proved me wrong. I am not saying I thought we would be together forever. That truly did not cross my mind. But, we are in college. College is a time to have relationships and heartbreaks and discover who we are as people. I was willing to take the risk of falling for you and being broken in the future. I just didn’t want to break so quickly. When I fall, I fall fast and I fall hard. I was by no means in love with you, at least not yet, but I was in and I was in pretty far. I thought we were going to last, I really did.
After everything was going so well, minus a few bumps in the road, I never saw it coming. I never expected your plan to be just to end things before they got too hard. You weren’t ready to take the risk with me. You weren’t ready to be all in. I keep thinking that I wasn’t enough for you. If I was enough, why didn’t you fight for me? That is what is always running through my head. Why not me? But, some people just aren’t meant to stay in our lives forever.
No matter how much time passes, I really will always miss you and what we had. Knowing that you are a stranger to me now is still hard to stomach. You hurt me, but no matter how sad I am, I truly can’t be mad at you. In the short time we were what we were, I learned a lot about myself. I want to thank you for showing me how much I can care for someone. I never really knew if I could handle any type of relationship. I know we were never together, but I think I was pretty good at whatever we were. You helped me see how strong my feelings are and one day some guy will come along who will love me for that. I think I am more prepared now for future relationships. I guess I know now what I can handle. Right now I am hurting, but I think I will and already have grown from this experience. Maybe one day we can be friends because this strangers thing is really hard. But for now, thank you for whatever we had. I learned about myself and I’m stronger now.
See you around.
The One Willing To Take The Risk
