It has taken me so long to recover from the damage that you caused during our relationship. I spent countless hours trying to understand why you chose to belittle me. Every time I came to the conclusion that it was because I deserved it.
I'm not sure if you understand how much of an impact that you left on me, but you did. I'd like to say that I knew what I was getting into with the relationship, but I didn't. All I wanted was to be with someone who I had fun with and could possibly love in the future.
We obviously had different plans in mind.
I'm sure that you didn't intend to hurt me and use me so much. I guess you liked the power once you saw that I was an easy target. I was so willing to be with you that I compromised important parts of myself. You should have gotten over your ex before you got into a relationship with me. Maybe if you had then we wouldn't have ended so terribly.
I'd moved on as best I could, but some things still haunt me. Sometimes I will look at myself and wonder if I really do need makeup to look pretty like you said I did. I wonder when I will get the body of a model with perfect proportions.
Other times I'll see a girl who you would have said was hotter than me and compare myself to her. I'd compare our bodies, looks, and feel bad thinking about the comments you would had said about her.
I wanted to be like the girls you talked about...I thought maybe then you would have treated me better.
I have you to thank for creating all my insecurities that can lead to jealously. There are still times when I get mad thinking about the girls that my current boyfriend has been with before me.
For the last two years, I have struggled to love myself and appreciate the gifts that I have to offer. Sometimes my heart still hurts when I think about all the hurtful things that you said to me. I hope that you have changed since then and can treat a girl properly now.