Just take a breath, its going to be okay. Believe me, I know it is hard going through recovery but it is possible. Whether you are recovering from self harm, eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, or whatever... I know you can make it through. Just keep breathing.
The recovery process is long and hard, it seems like it's one obstacle after another. It feels like it's easier to take 50 steps back than even a half of step further. Sometimes it even feels like you are alone in the process, like you have no one standing anywhere near you. Like you are doing it all alone and frankly... it's scary. It's a scary feeling going through recovery, it's paralyzing. I mean, who wouldn't be scared when they feel like the world is against them?
I've been trying to recover for almost three years and right now I am recovered, but just because I'm recovered it doesn't mean that it's still not hard. I think the worst part about recovery is the thinking. Your body can heal but the mind truly never feels the same. You will ALWAYS have those bad thoughts going through your head, lord knows I do and it's not always easy ignoring them. People always say "mind over matter" and I never knew how true that was until I was in the process of recovering. Physically stopping something is hard, but whats harder is stopping it when your mind is telling you to keep going. You know, you could be physically ready to stop but if you aren't mentally there than you're going to have a hard time stopping.
But as hard as it is to recover... it's possible. You can do it and I know you can. I want you to know that you are not alone. There is always support groups and meetings, and I know for a fact that there is at least one person who will sit there and listen to you. I know it's scary telling someone, especially a friend, but sometimes it helps. When I told my closest friends about it when it happened, I was scared. You know you don't know what they are going to say or how they are going to react. But you have to tell someone, you have to admit it.
One of the scariest parts of recovery is admitting it. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery, but I don't believe that. I believe getting help is the first step. Getting help and admitting it can go hand in hand, but it is hard doing either. But I know you can do it, even if you just go to a friend. There are people who care and want to help you. You aren't alone.
Recovery takes awhile, and even when you are recovered it is a possibility you will relapse. This stuff is not a one-and-done recovery process, it could take you several attempts to get better. It is very common for someone to go through the recovery process more than once so please don't feel like you are the only on who has to.
So whoever is going through recovery right now, I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that the feelings you are having right now are normal. You will look down at your scars and cry. You will cry over eating something so "simple". You will feel the temptation to go back to your old ways, and that feeling is normal. Just know that you are stronger than this addiction. You are stronger than whatever is holding you down. Yes recovery is hard, but it is possible. I believe in you and I am cheering you on.