2019 Will Be My Year.

2019 is twenty-three days away.

Essentially, we have three weeks of what has felt like the longest and shortest year of my entire life.

2018 has brought a lot to my life - touring with my best friend (my personal favorite), new relationships, loss, understanding, success, failure, excitement, stability. 2018 has certainly not been easy.

Having thought long and hard about my last three months of 2018, a lot has happened that I don't necessarily like or enjoy, however, it has taught me quite a few things - things that I'm proud of because I definitely needed them.

I'm not going to preach about how 2019 should be your year to take back your life or change your character or pursue new hobbies because let's face it, you should be the one that preaches that to yourself. I won't do it, because this article is meant for you to listen and hopefully you'll take something out of it.

But, if you don't, that's okay, too.

Maybe I'm writing this to assure myself that I have to make a change in my life. Honestly? Knowing myself, that is most likely the reason - and so be it. It's time I truly get my life together - and I'm going to do whatever I have to, to actually do it.

So, yes, 2018 has definitely been hard for me.

One of the hardest years of my life.

In 2018:

- I have lost friendships (more than I would have liked or that I care to admit to)

- I have been in arguments and harassed

- I have traveled the country

- I have been to seven concerts (the very same concert each time, might I add)

- I have met my best friend in the whole world

- I met the best friends I could have asked for

- I made the Dean's List for two semesters straight (hopefully Fall will be my third)

- I got a job (and have been working really hard)

- I struggled with my mental health

- I have discovered a lot about myself

It's been a year of learning, of beginning to understand how my behaviors affect my life and my relationships, how my relationships - toxic and healthy - have affected my mental health, how my anxiety incorporates into my education.

Relationships that I've lost, the friendships that have ended, have affected my mental health more than anything I have ever experienced. I've lost friendships that were the most toxic I could have ever imagined. I've lost friendships that I thought would survive beyond high school, I've lost friendships that I thought were going to last a lifetime - or at least through my college years. I would go to the ends of the earth for my friends, and regretfully so, I have had to accept that not everyone would do the same. Having toxicity in my life has only led me to panic attacks, anxiety, tears, and heartbreak, and I won't have that in 2019 - I refuse to.

I have struggled with my mental health, but I am finally on a path to having my thoughts, anxiety, and my brain sorted and healthy. I want to be happy, I want to go on adventures and try new things, I want to experience the world around me without fear and hesitation at every moment. I am determined to be able to do everything, this upcoming year, 2019. I don't want to be afraid of the unknown anymore. I'm ready to take on life.

I'm not saying that I'll be able to do this all in one night, or that I'll even be able to do it within a month or a year, but I am going to try my very best. I'm going to do everything that I possibly can, to the best of my ability, to create a better environment for my health and my happiness to thrive in. I am going to be successful and proud of everything that I accomplish. I am going to truly take 2019 and make it my best year. 2019 will be my best year, and 2020 will be better, and I will continue to better myself and make each day count - because I have so many opportunities lie ahead of me.

Although this year has been painful, I am grateful for everything that has happened. All of the tears and heartbreak, all of the lessons that I've learned, all of the adventures I've traveled on, have taught me something new that I will take with me into 2019.

It's going to be different, it's going to be weird.

It's going to be great.

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