I always believed that in a relationship friendship should always come first. As in, I thought that if we ever didn't work out, our friendship and companionship would always remain standing. The problem with my logic was that it didn't account for the fact that I had fallen in love with you. How was I supposed to know what learning to live without the love of my life was going to feel like? How was I supposed to imagine how it felt to see you move on with someone else, right in front of my eyes?
To the love of a lifetime, I never wanted to sever ties with you. I tried really hard to stay with your friend, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't gracefully watch you move on because the way you talked about her and how you missed me when you got with her, made me feel like you were settling. It hurt me when I realized that all of the pain that I went through to let you go was in vain. What was all of my pain for, if you weren't even happy with my replacement in the end? The replacement you said you liked because she reminded you of me. I guess I'm disposable to you, you can just swap someone who's similar enough to me into my slot and call it a day. It hurt even more when you led me on. I always put you first and tried to keep things as platonic as possible so neither of us would be hurt, and you could have a fair shot at happiness. I pretended I didn't want you even though it tore me apart, but then when you felt like you were in an okay place… you didn't even have the decency to check up on me as a friend.
To the love of my life, was I ever really a friend to you or just an option? Because I think you got the two of them twisted.
I felt so used, and I didn't want to be there for you and your confusion. I can't blame you for not being happy while I was still on your radar- so I pulled the plug for both of us. Before I could wish you a happy birthday this year, like I did every year for the past three years, I took the plunge and blocked you everywhere. I hope you're happy now because in order for me to move on I couldn't keep talking to you either. Maybe one day far from now, I'll be healed enough to tolerate talking to you again. When that day comes, we can see how far we've come without each other. The truth is, I've left a few avenues open. If you really want to talk to me, you'll find them out.