Open Letter To The Love I Haven't Met Yet

Open Letter To The Love I Haven't Met Yet

My unknown dearest, please treat me with care.

Dear Love,

I'm not used to this kind of thing, so please go slow with me. I have yet to experience love, or anything similar to it, and all I ask is you show me at my own pace. I will not surrender my well-being for you, because I have to be my own person, too. I'm not saying that I will not give you my all, because finding someone hasn't been easy. I've searched for you for a long time, even though the people around me told me that I should stop, and you will come to me on your own.

The truth is, I couldn't do that. I'm very persistent and know what I want when I see it. I'm not sure how I will meet you, where I'll meet you, or when, but just know that as soon as we meet, I will immediately be able to tell what it is. I hope you can recognize these feelings too, maybe not right away, but eventually. Although I'll know right away, I will still be just as confused as you will, because I won't know how to handle the way I feel.

With that being said, just keep in mind that I will always be there for you, anytime you need me. I will care for and love you no matter what and will be devoted to you in every way imaginable. I'm a romantic, so cute dates and watching the sunset together are what I prefer, but I also don't mind spending the entire Saturday flipping between football games while we snuggle on the couch (sometimes this means more to me than you realize).

When you meet my family, shake my father's hand with respect, because he is my world. If my daddy doesn't like you, odds are things won't last very long. Don't let this intimate you, because I chose you with this in mind. I cherish family, and love to spend as much time with them as I can, and I hope you feel the same about yours as well.

Heartbreak, something that goes hand in hand with being in love, is also something I haven't experienced (in this sense, anyway). So when it inevitably happens, be prepared that I will break down. I won't let you see me that way, but when I'm alone it will overcome me. I'm not sure how long it will affect me, depends on how badly I have been hurt, but once I do get past the hurt, I will rise taller than before, and will only thank you for making me stronger.



Cover Image Credit: R Mama

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There May Be 'Nice Guys' And 'Nice Girls' In 2018, But You Don't Owe Them Anything

While you don’t owe him sex, he also doesn’t owe you a relationship.

Disclaimer: the attitudes represented in this article go off the general research pattern that women tend to approach dating in a more traditional setting, whereas men are more welcoming of casual sex.

While it is entirely acceptable for each gender to approach dating and relationships in either context, the behavior discussed looks at typical patterns in modern, young adult dating culture.

In the current dating world of young adults, there exists a parallel between the "new age" scene of hookup culture and the traditional routes of dating customary to generations before us.

In each generation, however, exists the type of male who utilizes his usual social graces and pleasant or kind demeanor as a social exchange for sex.

In the 21st century, this type of guy has been labeled as "the nice guy," or as I’ll label it for the article, the NiceGuy™. Popular phrases have formed around this term, such as “nice guys finish last,” which means that guys who have this "nice" demeanor can never manage to win over the girls they want.

Before I continue, I’m not referring to guys who are respectful, considerate human beings who approach women as equals.

While the NiceGuy™ tries to come across as genuinely nice, he has an entitlement complex that women see but he doesn’t. Therefore, he becomes frustrated by the lack of social rewards he thinks he deserves.

The narcissistic tendencies of the NiceGuy™ and his lack of insight leads to constant complaining that women don’t recognize his supposedly great qualities, as well as ill-informed attacks toward women for being “superficial” or “callous” — when in reality, they just see the debauchery behind his poorly constructed persona.

There is also a female version of the nice guy as well.

The NiceGirl™ is the woman who thinks that the effort she makes in appearance, communication and time entitles her to a relationship with the guy of her interest. And if he doesn’t give this to her, how dare he be so unappreciative and rude?

In her mind, she thinks, “Can’t you see I’m making all this time for you? Why are you so insensitive to what I want and can provide for you?”

There are also guys that will string a girl along because he likes the attention from her, and if he does, shame on him. If this is the case, it’s justified to be frustrated when he invites in the dating behavior without any intention of maintaining it.

However, if a guy does not reciprocate your effort and actively does not encourage the attention, shame on you. He did not ask for you to invest that much of yourself, and quite frankly, if he doesn’t show any interest or communicate with you, he’s not worthy of your time anyway.

And for the genuinely nice guys who go after the NiceGirl™ types that relish in your attention but then drop you for a NiceGuy™, I’m sincerely sorry. Those girls will figure it out eventually and will stop complaining about their lack of boyfriend once they learn to identify NiceGuy™ types and to appreciate different kinds of guys. Be patient.

Realistically, if no one communicates at the front end to articulate their expectations about dating, the never-ending cycle of selfish or misunderstood behavior from the NiceGuy™ and NiceGirl™ types will continue, creating a positive feedback loop of inconsiderate actions in each sex as they are navigating dating. This process will continue to perpetuate negative stereotypes such as the ones listed above.

That said, it could also potentially leave out the genuinely kind people of the world and will prevent the NiceGuy™ and NiceGirl™ types from learning, identifying and articulating what they want in their relationships.

While this article may seem pessimistic and may attack specific dating behaviors we tend to do on a daily basis, the main point is that we need to learn to communicate and understand someone’s background and intentions before someone gets hurt or gets the wrong message.

For those into casual situations, be frank on the front end. Don’t string people along who care about you, only to drop them when it’s no longer convenient for you. That hurts people.

For those interested in dating, it’s important to show you care, and you should be willing to put in the effort to prove you mean something to them. However, don’t run yourself into the ground if they don’t reciprocate it. You deserve someone who appreciates you for what you do.

And for the rest who might be in either dating or casual situations who don’t know what to do? Be honest! Make sure the way you communicate is respectful, but if you’re just not into him or he’s just not that into you, make sure to find the best way to share your intentions with the most positive impact.

Ultimately, dating sucks.

But it can become so much better if you learn how to communicate appropriately and see people for who they and are what they want. This way, you can learn about your own and others' expectations, how to accommodate them best and how to respect everyone's expectations in a variety of situations.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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5 Great Dates That Fit Your Budget

Cheaper loving

Everyone loves a good date. How can you not? Nothing can ever really compare to spending some quality time with that person you love (hopefully). But when money is tight, it is hard meeting the demands of fancy restaurants, $15 movie tickets and $8 boxes of popcorn. So instead of breaking the bank, try these cheaper dates instead!

1. Drive-ins

Yes! They do still exist, and they are much cheaper than their movie theatre counterpart. Drive-ins are perfect for seeing the latest films for a much cheaper price and a more personal experience. You get to be in the privacy of your own car and bring your own yummy (and cheaper) snacks!

2. Picnics

You may not be one for the outdoors, but even so, you have to picnic with your loved one at least once throughout your relationship. You get to be in nature which can actually be very refreshing and a change of pace from the business of daily life. Also, you can make inexpensive sandwiches and tasty snacks to share, and who doesn’t love that?

3. Exercise Date!

I know, it sounds horrible. Who likes to exercise? Well, working out with your significant other can actually be much more fun than you may perceive. Whether it is at the gym, at home, or on a run, you can motivate each other to be better, work harder, and hopefully get in better shape! When you’re bringing out the best in each other, the relationship can only become stronger, making not only your exercise dates more pleasant but also all other aspects of the relationship.

4. Puppies and Pet Stores

Who doesn’t love puppies? Take a trip to a local pet store or ASPCA with your significant other. Animals can make even the worst of days a little bit better. Take some time to play with the puppies, kitties, and other cute fluffy animals to boost your mood and spend some quality time with the one you love.

5. Dinner Dates (at home)

Going out to dinner is great, but it can get very expensive. By making your own meal at home, you can bond with your significant other as you struggle to cook. You still get to experience great food, but this time in the comfort of your own home. Also, you’ll have leftovers for a while, so even if you do have to spend a little extra, you will save on meals in the coming days.

Dates don’t always have to be elaborate expeditions to the most expensive restaurants or resorts. Looking for other types of ways to spend time with your significant other can be extremely fun and creative. These five options are just some of the numerous ways to really experience quality time with your favorite person.

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

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