The Holidays are otherwise known as The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.
They are a time to shop until you drop and eat until you're stuffed. But the holidays are most importantly a time to come together with family. But sadly, this may not be possible for everyone. I lost my dad to his cancer battle six years ago, and the holiday season always brings a heavy bittersweetness.
My dad loved Christmas so much. He had a playlist that rang through our home from Black Friday until New Years. He loved to go look at holiday lights and attend holiday parties. When he passed, I wondered if the holidays would ever be the same without him there.
Noticing a person’s absence during the holiday season goes beyond them not being there. Sure, you notice there is an empty chair at the dinner table and you notice there is one less person to make a list and check twice for. But losing a parent is much more than that, especially during the holiday season. Losing a parent at a young age alters your life, and the holidays can bring a slew of emotions you may not be prepared for.
Noticing my dad would never be there for another Christmas was so much more than knowing he wouldn’t be there physically. For me, it was knowing I’d be singing “Winter Wonder Land” uninterrupted by my dad changing the lyrics.
When I was 14, I realized the lyrics are not “Walking ‘Round In Purple Underwear” as he had led me to believe up to that point. It was knowing that as I looked back at the old Christmas cards, my sister and I would never have to coordinate red sweaters for another photo op. It was going to a Christmas Eve service that my dad wasn’t working at for his pastoral position at our church. It was opening a gift without his crooked handwriting on the tag reading “squirt.”
I don’t really remember my first holiday season without my him. It was and still remains a blur. It was difficult, and the holiday spirit seemed to have left with him. I started to ask myself if I would ever have a “normal” Christmas again, whatever this new normal was going to look like.
And this year I realized something I hadn’t noticed the past few years. Losing my dad didn’t have to mean I lost the holiday spirit. While “normal” would become different than it used to be, I knew my dad would want my family and his friends to carry on his traditions and enjoy the holiday season. It is more than okay to miss your parent during such a family-oriented time, but I realized you can’t lose sight of your family that is still with you in the process.
My family and I have grown even closer in my dad’s absence, and we cherish each and every holiday together in a way we didn't before. I still miss my dad this year as much as I did the first Christmas without him but I now know that missing him doesn’t mean I have to miss out on our holiday festivities.
I no longer feel sad when I hear “Winter Wonderland” but rather I yell the (wrong) lyrics the same way I would with my dad years before. My family and I still make a Christmas card, and we still go to holiday parties. We try to not let the holidays focus on the absence of my dad, but rather on his memories of the joyous season he loved so much.
If you have lost a parent, I will tell you it won’t be the same- but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Your new "normal" during the holidays can be just as good as when your parent was included. It just will be different. Find ways to honor their spirit, and make new memories. Remember them in every way you can. Your loved ones would want you to carry on and enjoy the most wonderful time of year.