To the little sh*ts crawling up the shower tiles,

You are the bravest living creatures on this planet, and it is quite annoying.

Each and every one of you a**holes has tested me for the longest time. Each species of insect has dared to defy my daily evening shower and very few have made it out alive.

As a scientist, I do commend you for your efforts taking on such a daunting quest of mettle. You really have no reason to be in this bathroom unless you have a nook or cranny that is used as your living space. Your illogical reasoning of not trying to avoid the massive monsoon coming from above is honestly unfortunate, however, you guys tend to brave the storm and some end up succeeding in the process, while others meet their doom.

The creatures that struggle are the ones that are very poor independently, such as ants and centipedes, or insects that aren't the brightest, such as moths. They usually get caught up in the showers at the wrong time and end up in the tub drain, where all brave insects go to perish.

The other flying insects, such as flies and mosquitoes, tend to have more spatial awareness and can out-fool even me. They can perceive the world much slower than we can and can adjust themselves accordingly if they are ever in danger. They're small, agile, and very, very quick and are able to survive my treacherous evening showers.

The bravest of them all would be the arachnids. Those sappy, evil little f***ers. They do not care about life. They will jump at you. They will run around like no tomorrow. Honestly, some of them even shower themselves or go surfing. Arachnids have no fear when it comes to showers. To be quite honest, I fear them. I will burn my own bathroom to escape those satanic insects.

So, all in all, some of you may have won this round. However, if I ever see you in my shower again, you will pay the price.

Your destroyer,

Doug