For starters, I should honestly hate you. Why don’t I?
Good question.
Throughout the years I have known you, we just keep going through this vicious cycle. I start to catch feelings, you seem like you do as well, then BAM! Something happens - don't ask what because I wish I knew. Something must go wrong because it is like we just hit a wall and suddenly we are nothing more than friends again. It is like we are back to square one.
It is the worst feeling... It feels like you just use me until something better comes your way. Therefore, you would think after the first time this happened, I would get over it and move on. Well, guess what? Here we are on like time 550 and you're back. And guess who welcomed you with open arms? That's right, me. Me, hoping this time will be different and me, thinking maybe this time I’ll be good enough for you.
There have been other people over the years, but none of them compare to you. The others couldn't make me laugh uncontrollably like you can or all-in-all make me feel the way I do when I’m with you. So this time around in our cycle I ask one thing from you. You either stick around or just let me go so I can work on myself.
I know that whichever way you decide to go, I’ll be alright eventually. It is the going back and forth that I can't take anymore. But there are just a few more things you should know. One, I can't hate you and will NEVER hate you - remember that. You will always hold a special place in my heart and I will never understand why.
Two, I just want you to realize how you make me feel and how easily you can hurt me. Which, don't get me wrong, I know you don't want to hurt me and honestly there is no doubt in my mind that you have some feelings towards me. This is why I don't quite understand why you won't admit it. Instead, I think you would rather watch me go completely insane trying to figure out whether you do or not.
I guess what it comes down to is that we end this vicious cycle that we have and you can stay around or just completely cut me off. I’m okay with what you decide but just know it will difficult to find another girl that will put up with everything that I did. So, good luck finding someone that loved you like I did.
Sincerely,
The girl who can't take it anymore