I know you've been waiting for ages with this knot in your stomach that just won't go away. Like an invisible weight, it slows you down. It holds you back. As the days go by it seems to just get heavier and heavier, and although you're smiling through it, I know you're wondering when you can just let this dead weight go.
I know this feeling all too well. To not want to try out for the team because you're scared of failure, to not want to throw a party because you're scared no one will show up, to not want to talk to the person you like because you're scared of rejection. It's difficult to deal with a voice in the back of your head telling you that you aren't enough, that you won't succeed, or that you don't matter.
At some point, you need to be brave enough to tell that voice to just shut up.
You're going to wake up one day with the realization that you've had enough- you're sick of dulling your light so others won't be blinded, you're tired of holding yourself back because you're unsure of what will come next. When that day comes- and believe me, it will- you will start to see everything fall into place.
It'll start off slow at first; maybe you'll finally apply that lipstick you were scared to wear out. Maybe you'll show up to a meeting for a club you've been interested in but were too nervous to go to before. Little by little, piece by piece, you will start to have the courage to do all the things you've always wanted but been too nervous to try. It might not happen today, or tomorrow, or even next week, but don't fret. All good things come in time. The universe knows when you're ready to blossom and it's a process that can't be rushed.
You are worth so much more than the doubts in your head tell you. You are great, you are strong, you are powerful- do not let the hurtful words of fleeting lovers or ex-friends make you doubt that for a second. I've been where you are standing now, I've walked in your shoes. It may seem like right now the worst thing that could happen to you is failure, but I assure you that's not true. Dealing with the regrets of never trying, the constant ponderings of 'what ifs' and 'could have beens' hurts so much worse and lasts so much longer.
Let that ball of doubt sink and drift away, let your anxieties roll off your shoulders. Go on: pick yourself up, tell that little voice who's boss, and watch yourself make progress, no matter how small it seems!