To The Girl Who Has Lost Herself

To The Girl Who Has Lost Herself

You can be a work in progress and a masterpiece, all at once.
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It's not the way it used to be, is it?

You're not the way you used to be.

Lately, you've started to realize that you don't feel like yourself. You don't laugh quite as loudly. Your smile doesn't reach your eyes as effortlessly. You walk with a shade more of self-awareness, talk with a little less personality. And if someone were to ask you for three adjectives to describe you, the words you'd choose would describe the you of one, two, or three years ago, but not now.

You look at old photographs and wonder where that girl went. The one who everyone expected the best from. The one who was charming and intelligent and full of energy. Lately, you've found that you've let yourself go.

Lately, you've found that while you were in the wash of life, you let it wash over you. Consume you. Dissolve you.

You used to be a light. A light that, at some indiscernible, irreversible moment amidst the chaos of life, burned out. And now that you're just a shadow of who you used to be, it's hard to fight that pervasive ache of disappointment that hovers over you like a ghost, haunting the aftermath of every choice you make and noting, "The old you wouldn't do that."

It's hard to not feel utterly confused about how you ended up here. It's hard to not be ashamed of how you lost control of yourself, let yourself slip through your fingers.

But here's the thing that we're so quick to forget:

It's okay.

It's okay to not be able to fit your entire being into three adjectives. It's okay to not be a finished product. It's okay to love the person you once were—put-together, powerful, seemingly-perfect—and find yourself back at square one. You were bound to change. You are bound to keep changing.

You were never meant to stay in the same place, like the same music, love the same people, have the same goals, believe the same things. Be the same person. You were never meant to be stagnant. This world will not cease to spin on its axis. The cells in your body will not cease to regenerate. And you, too, will not cease to fall apart and fall back into place and grow and go on. You were never meant to be a fixed point in a transient constellation because you are ever-changing.

So don't be shattered or scared by the moments of your day where you don't recognize yourself. Maybe you'll never be who you once were. But that just means you're in the process of becoming someone stronger and brighter and more complex. You are simply building a better version of yourself. And that's okay. You're okay.

You can be a work in progress and a masterpiece, all at once.


I leave you with the understanding that it is normal to lose yourself every now and then, with the faith that you'll find yourself again, and with this:

"For a star to be born

there is one thing that

must happen: a gaseous

nebula must collapse.


So collapse.

Crumble.

This is not your

destruction.


This is your birth.”

- n.t

Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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22 New Things That I Want To Try Now That I'm 22

A bucket list for my 22nd year.

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"I don't know about you but I'm feelin' 22," I have waited 6 long years to sing that and actually be 22! Now 22 doesn't seem like a big deal to people because you can't do anything that you couldn't do before and you're still super young. But I'm determined to make my 22nd year a year filled with new adventures and new experiences. So here's to 22.

1. Go sky diving.

What's crazier than jumping out of a plane? (Although I'll probably try indoor skydiving first.)

2. Go cliff jumping/diving.

I must be the only Rhode Islander who hasn't gone to Jamestown and jumped off a cliff.

3. Ride in a hor air balloon.

Up, up and away.

4. Try out skiing.

Cash me in the next Olympics, how bout dat.

5. Try out snow boarding.

Shawn White, I'm coming for you.

6. Go bungee jumping.

Because at least this time I'll be attached to something.

7. Go to Portugal.

I mean I'm Portuguese so I have to go at some point, right?

8. Go to Cape Verde.

Once again, I'm Cape Verdean so I have to go.

9. Vist one of the seven wonders of the world.

I mean hey, Egypt's on, my bucket list.

10. Try out surfing.

It's only natural that somebody from the Ocean State knows how to surf.

11. Learn a new langauge.

Because my little bit of Portuguese, Spanish and Latin isn't cutting it anymore.

12. Travel to a state that I've never been to before.

Fun fact: I've only been to 17 of the 50 states.

13. Go paddle boarding.

Pretty boring but I've never done it.

14. Go scuba diving.

I'm from the Ocean State so I guess I should see the ocean up close and personal.

15. Learn how to line dance.

There's actually a barn in my state that does line dancing, so this one will definitely get crossed off.

16. Go kayaking.

All this water around me and I haven't done a lot of the water activites.

17. Stay the night in a haunted hotel room.

I bet if I got my friends to come with me, it would be like the Suite Life of Zach and Cody episode, minus the ghost coming out of the wall but you never know.

18. Get my palms read.

Because who doesn't want to know their future.

19. Go to a medium.

Like a medium that can communicate with people that have died.

20. Take a helicopter ride.

Air plane: check Helicopter:....

21. Sleep under the stars.

Because sleeping in a tent is more like glamping than camping

22. Just to try new things in my everyday life.

Whether it's trying a new restaurant, getting something different at my usual restaurants, changing my usual style, going on the scary rides at amusement parks, and bringing things I used to do back into my life now.

Cover Image Credit:

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For Those Who Don't Feel Good Enough

Everyone has felt like they couldn't measure up to others, but what really matters is how you cope.
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Well all have had those days where they feel like they just don't measure up to others, and trust me, I've had my fair share. But the most important thing to think about is that this feeling will pass eventually.

First, take a breather.

At the moment, it seems like you have nothing going for you. I get it. You may be overwhelmed with school, work, etc. But you should take some time to yourself and think of all the things that you have succeeded in, instead of the things you haven't succeeded in. Take a deep breath and relax. Try to meditate as well.

Know that you have supporters cheering you on.

Everyone at least once feels like no one cares about them, but that isn't true. Someone out there is watching you and saying, " Hey, that girl/boy is pretty awesome at what they do. I'm proud of them and can't wait to see them grow." It could be a family member, teacher, significant other, or even a friend. Someone cares.

You are good enough.

It's as simple as that. You are worth every breathe that you take, and you matter to a lot of people. So, I suggest to write down some things that has improved your life or someone else's life.

And finally, you are not alone.

Yes, just about every post like this says something of that sorts, but it's so true. Thousands, if not millions of people are going through something similar you are going through, and it's okay. If you are having suicidal thoughts or actions please call the suicide hotline number (1-800-273-8255). You are loved, and most importantly; you are enough.

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