To The Girl Who Was Taken Advantage Of That Night
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Politics and Activism

To The Girl Who Was Taken Advantage Of That Night

I can't change what happened to you, but I can promise you didn't deserve it

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To The Girl Who Was Taken Advantage Of That Night

How my heart cries out for you.

I sit here ready to write this letter but am at a loss of words for it. I am unable to offer the amount of love and nurturing that you deserve. If my words can take even a fraction of the pain away, I pray God makes these words easier to write.

Rape. Sexual assault. They are such harsh words that I myself fear. "Taken advantage of" is a much gentler way of putting it. The kind of gentle that you deserve. The way we phrase your experience can either offer comfort to you or terrify you. When I speak with others, I defend rape victims. I defend sexual assault victims. To you, I support someone who didn't deserve to be taken advantage of.

This is not to take away from the weight of the situation, by any means. This is my best attempt relating to you. We have all been taken advantage of in some form or another.

This whole sexual assault thing is a growing issue over college campuses everywhere. It is so close to my heart. I know the emptiness, the fear, and the helplessness that follows you like a shadow everywhere you go, much too well. It is all too familiar.

I know that nothing anyone says will offer healing. The valiant attempts of friends and family members to save you from your agony and suffering will fall short each and every time, because each night when the lights go out, and you lie cold and alone tangled in the covers on your bed, you will be reminded of what happened to you that night.

Every time a new man's lips meet yours, you will draw away-- even if you don't necessarily want to draw away, you will because "it just doesn't feel right". The first few attempts any man will make hitting on you, you will be utterly disgusted at the disrespect that you once viewed as flattering. Please do your best to remember not all men are the same. Not all men are like him. It is okay to kiss back. That simple kiss will not prompt another assault, because I promise you; whether you believe me or not, there is more good in this world than there is bad. A kiss does not commit you to sex. A kiss can be as much or as little as you decide.

You might avoid relationships, or even simple social interactions. You will open up to friends about this night. Some will believe you, and some won't. Worst of all, some will defend him. I know the pain and the hurt of a friend who blatantly ignores your cry for help will crush you. The people who believe you, the people who defend you until your death- those who commit to bringing justice to the situation, those are the people you deserve fighting this battle with you. Anyone else is not a warrior you want on your team anyway. They are too weak for a battle too bloody. You will tell some people, and they might never bring up the conversation again. They might never check up on you to see how you are doing, how you are adjusting to the new vision of the world that this horrible man forced upon you. They simply do not understand. Be thankful that they do not understand.

Your pain, your circumstances- they are not a burden. You are not overreacting. You do not need to justify yourself to anyone who questions you about what happened. So what if you were drunk? So what if you kissed him earlier that night? You did not force him to keep going despite your tears and the "please, no's" and the "please stop's" that you so bravely muttered, you did not make this happen. I don't care that he was drunk too. I know thousands of men who have never taken advantage of a woman while they were intoxicated. It is possible for a man to drink and not assault a woman. It is not the alcohol's fault. Do not blame the alcohol. Do not blame yourself.

Ultimately, you know what happened that night. And whether or not any of your friends believe you, support you, or stand beside you to help you heal, you will never stand alone.

Because I believe you. I stand with you. And I will never dismiss any person's honest cry for help.

Screw this article- I could write an entire novel about how low of a human this boy is. He is trash. He is a sad excuse for a man. His life is changed forever because he will never not be a criminal. He will never be able to undo what he has done, but the beauty is that you no longer have to worry about him. It is time for YOU to change your focus from him, from the past, to who you are becoming and what you will accomplish. Despite the lack of control you felt that night, you do have the power to change the course of your life because you hold the key to your future.

Do not allow this experience to make you numb. Do not let this experience convince you that you are unworthy of being loved and cherished, respected and touched by the hands of a true gentleman. You will meet a true man one day, who washes the bitter taste of that boy's mouth off of your lips; his touch off of your body. You will meet a man who's touch no longer makes your body cringe in defense. There will be a time where you no longer replay every daunting detail, over and over in your head, like a horror film that sends chills down your spine, bringing involuntary tears to your eyes, making the hair on your arms stand upright at attention. The day will come when you will trust again. You will allow a man to see you unclothed. You will no longer feel ashamed one day. You will learn to be vulnerable once again, but you must commit to healing. I say this tenderly- you can do it, I promise you can do it.

If you or someone who know has been a victim of sexual assault, and you would like to do something about it, please call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673). You will receive confidential support from a trained staff member, be directed to someone who can help you in your area based off the first six digits of your phone number, and so much more. Please visit www.rainn.org for more information.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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