"You're so needy."
"Why can't you be a little more independent?"
"No one will be around for you forever."
These are the things that people from the outside looking in will see. They will see a girl who is untrusting and a tad emotionally unstable.
You're scared of being broken again; scared of being let down just one more time. Being shielded is so much easier. But, once you find someone special, it's hard to keep all of the walls up.
You worry that one day they're just going to pick up and leave. They are one of the best things in your life, why should they stay? Why should they put up with your 10 p.m. panic attacks and your 7 a.m. "are we OK?" These thoughts circle through your mind at 3 am until you wake up 5 hours later with a headache and a heartache.
"I'm not as pretty."
"She's so much smarter than me."
"Why can't I be that adventurous?
"He's going to get bored of me."
These are the things that circle through your mind like a broken record, a broken record, a broken record...
You'll make assumptions.
You'll worry about the unknowns.
You'll overthink the future, or rather, the impending doom of it.
You'll come across as stubborn and picky.
You'll have expectations that may not be fulfilled.
You'll think of the past -- yours and theirs.
You'll say sorry much too often.
You'll know they love you and you'll know that they're not going anywhere, but you may not believe it deep down — anything that is too good must come to an end.
Seems like you're too much of a hassle, right? Who wants to deal with all that work?
Wrong.
You've had your heart broken, and you know that he has, too.
You'll be ginger with his feelings and expect the same type of gentle love in return.
You'll expect people to earn your trust, just like you try every day to earn theirs.
You'll say "I love you," not to hear it back, but just to make sure that they still know (even though it's not bad hearing it back).
You'll trust them, but you may not trust yourself to accept the full happiness.
Don't think of yourself as unlovable and unworthy simply because you need reassurance. You are perfectly imperfect. If he's the right one, that's what he'll love about you — your quirks and random imperfections that make you you. You expect what you deserve, and there's nothing wrong with that.
So, I'm here to tell you this: it is okay to need reassurance. It's okay to overthink and to have doubts. Don't worry your pretty little mind too much — the one who is meant to accept you the way that you are will. For now, laugh through the worries and try to build up Faith in others and in yourself.