In the days before you left, I asked you to look into your heart for me. I wanted more than anything to believe that my love still glowed there. I wanted to be yours even while you didn’t know who exactly I’d be belonging to. I thought we could figure that out together, or maybe I could have just held your hand through it all without saying a word. Whatever you wanted, I would have given it to you.

I thought I’d be your comfort late at night when you felt most alone. At the end of a hard day, I could have been your safety, your warmth between thin sheets, your kiss in the dark that still lingered kind and soft in your dreams.

Every sweet moment still sings of you; sleepy laughter shared with you over hot breakfast. The blush in your cheeks when you had a bit too much to drink. Passionate kisses in the mornings before you’d even brushed your teeth. The rain whispers in the streets and takes me back to that summer night in New York City. I see a sunset bursting through the clouds and it leads me down the long and winding road we took that day we went to see the ocean.

I see things now in a way I couldn’t while my love for you still blinded me. I know now that while you had me, you held me in suspense. I was your moth, trapped low in a cage above an open flame. The edges of my wings caught fire, and still I stayed. I waited by your hand for the call that never came. I didn’t realize you had gone until I couldn’t escape. And then I melted, and my heart was the hot wax running in rivers through your fingers. You said you were sorry, but you had to go.

Please understand that I still love you. I still love you and I would still give anything to be back in your bed, back in your arms, back in your life and in your heart. Loving you is a sprawling forest, but while you’re unsure, I’m just wandering through the leaves. I wouldn’t mind except it’s getting dark now; the stars tell me it’s my time to start heading back. I have to listen, if just to be safe. But, my darling, please know that I won’t be far. If you need me, if you want me, please know I’ll never turn a blind eye.

If we happen to find each other again, still lost in all of our sorrows, promise me that we can start anew.

Promise me, from all of these ashes, that we can only rise.