To the girl that was my everything,

I know I wasn't the perfect person to you. We made mistakes that ultimately tore us apart, but we were just kids when we started talking, only 17, and had no idea what we were about to get ourselves into at college. The love we had honestly felt like a movie. I felt like I was living out a real-life Nicholas Sparks novel and I loved every second of it — until it came to the part of the book where things weren't a happily ever after. I never was able to tell you how my heart has been hurt by your actions.

So to the girl that I used to call mine, in a way, thank you for taking my already fragile heart and fucking it up beyond recognition.

To the girl that I had a crush on since the 6th grade, thank you for making me believe I was living out a fairytale.

To the girl that used to put on the cutest smile I've ever laid eyes on whenever I'd kiss you on the cheek, thank you making me believe I could trust you enough to finally open up to somebody about my past.

To the girl that said would always love me, thank you for showing me how much those words meant when you cheated on me, twice.

To the girl that promised me you would never hurt me, thank you for lying when you said he was only a friend.

To the girl that used to be my everything, thank you for making me feel like I was nothing.

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know myself like I do now. I wouldn't know about all the underlying problems and issues I've had deep down my entire life. If it wasn't for you, I would've never gotten the help that my mind has been so desperately trying to tell me to get for years. Without that help, I never would've stopped hurting myself whenever I lost control of my head or at least started to begin to hurt myself less and less.

Without the medication and therapy, I would've continued to live with these preconceived beliefs about myself that has had me clinically depressed since before we were together. If it wasn't for you, I would've went on thinking I knew what love was, when in reality, I didn't have the slightest fucking clue. If it wasn't for you showing me what my absolute worst was, there's no doubt in my mind that the third time I attempted, I would've succeeded.

If you're somehow reading this and know it's me, I want you to understand that I am not mad at you for how our relationship ended. Just until now, I convinced myself that everything that went wrong was completely my fault. I mean it wasn't hard to believe that when each time I would try to talk to you about a mistake you made, you'd turn it around and tie it back to something I did before we were even together.

I just want you to know that the things you do to others can have deep horrific impacts on them. Even though deep down I wanted you to be the one, and still do a little, I know that where we were in our lives and the ways we grew over the course of our relationship, it wouldn't have worked out, but that doesn't mean what we had was a waste.

Our time together will never be forgotten. I will always miss our car rides together from Alabama back to Texas. Whenever I pass that orange water tower in the nowhere town of Start, Louisiana, my mind always goes back to the time we stopped there to sit out in that field and watch the sunset. I will always remember our spring break freshman year when we road tripped from Dallas to Austin and even though we were running late to see Cody Johnson in Luckenbach, I saw the way you looked at that wall mural in Bertram.

You knew how much I loved Cody Johnson and how I was in a hurry to get to there so you didn't want to ask me to stop, but nothing made me happier than seeing the smile on your face when I turned around and pulled over next to the mural so you could admire and take a picture of it. You were the happiest and saddest time of my life.

To the girl that was my everything, I hope you find someone that truly appreciates how beautiful your heart is and never fails to put a smile on your face; because seeing how beautiful you looked with that smile is something that will forever be imprinted in my heart. You deserve the world. You'll always be my fairytale, Nat Nose.

— Your old love