You have no idea how lucky you are. Really. You are the luckiest girl in the entire world. Why, you ask? Well, isn’t it obvious? You have the chance to spend the rest of your life with the single greatest human being I have ever met.

A part of me hates you. I am jealous, and I would do just about anything to get you out of the picture, because you are replacing me. You are with who I am suppose to be with, kissing who I should be kissing, holding the hand I should be holding, cuddling the body I should be cuddling. It's hard for me to deal with, but another part of me knows that you make him happier than I am. Sure, I might think I am better for him. I’d take better care of him, and love him in a way you never could, but he doesn’t want that. He can take care of himself, and he has made it clear he doesn’t want love. He wants trust and honesty, which I can give him, but he feels something more with you. I can only hope he will feel that for me in the future.

I’m going to miss him so much. I am going to miss his goofy, girly giggle and his velvety-soft skin and how soft his hair always is. I’ll miss the way he always had a hand on me, and how he held my hand as we were driving. We had a connection, but it is clearly not like the connection you have with him. He told me you know him, and I know he has had it rough, so if he trusts you, and if he says you know him, I do feel bad about not being that person for him, but I hope you live up to your expectations.

Take care of him for me. Yes, I know, I said he can take care of himself, but he will need help from time to time. Never lie to him, not even to spare his feelings. He hates liars more than anything, but you probably know that. When you hold hands, make sure his hand is on top, and take everything he says for what it is. He will never lie to you. Don’t overthink anything. Don’t send him long paragraphs. Just be you. Be real. Be honest. Be, as he always told me, chill. Let him do things on his terms. He’s a hard person to read. He is a hard person to get to open up, but if he trusts you he will, and he appears to trust you quite a bit. If you hurt him, I will hurt you. That is a promise. He has been through enough. He doesn’t need someone he “really likes” hurting him. He is down on himself. He loves himself, and he thinks there is something wrong with who he is. He is perfect the way he is, and you’ll learn that, but don’t reassure him. He doesn’t want to be fixed, so don’t try to. Just let him be him. That is enough for him.

This boy is my best friend. He is, and always will be, a huge part of my life. He has my heart, and I hope you don’t mind. I will always love this one, because, as you will learn, he is special. There is something about him. I’m not sure what it is, but he is. As much as I want him back, I hope you never have to feel how I feel right now. Losing him feels like doctors take your heart right out of your chest. No drugs to calm you down or put you to sleep. You’re wide awake, feeling every poke and jab as the doctors remove your beating heart from your chest. It sounds brutal and dramatic, but that's how it feels. It’s hard, harder than any emotions I have ever had to work through, and I don’t wish it on anyone. It’s difficult for me to say, because I want him more than anything, but I’m also not a (total) monster. He wants you, and that doesn’t mean he’ll never want me. In time, perhaps things will work out in my favor. Until then, I am happy he is happy, even if it means I’m not.