Feeling this way is hard and living with this mindset can really bring you down.
I get it.
Social media can be a deadly factor for us. Seeing how photogenic people are in comparison to others is actually quite surprising. And then you think to yourself, "I wonder if they think that about me when I post pictures too?"
You walk past girls at school thinking, "Why aren't I that beautiful?" You walk past good looking guys and think, "Why can't I be his girlfriend?" You walk past a mirror and think, "Why does this have to be me?"
The worst part is that it makes you want to seclude yourself. You find that when someone looks at you, you look away. It's not in an effort to be rude, but more so, to protect yourself from any potential judgment (even if the person has never "judged" you before).
Any flaw in your skin makes you feel vulnerable and any time you catch someone staring at you, the feeling only intensifies.
The fact of the matter is, being self-conscious sucks. And being self-conscious of your own self-consciousness sucks even more.
I'm actually much more introverted than people's perception of me. I wish they could have seen all the pain and emotion I once had built up inside. I had a one-way ticket for the self-conscious train that ran my life. I felt as though, once I had become overly self-conscious, there was no end to it. Once I started to doubt myself, there wasn't exactly room for anything else.
A HUGE part of being self-conscious is that you literally feel uncomfortable when someone looks directly at you. At first, you think it's simply because you're "shy". Then, you figure out that it's actually because you're self-conscious of your appearance. You're scared that in just one glance at you, they'll see every single flaw that you see when you look into the mirror yourself.
I have found that I literally picture myself getting looked at as I go throughout my day... and research has shown that having that mindset truly gets in the way of everything we do.
My whole life, I've been incredibly self-conscious about not being skinny or pretty enough.
And then, as I graduated high school, I just didn't care anymore.
I was done.
I repeatedly said to myself, "This is me; I am the best version of myself that I can possibly be. I'm okay. There is nothing wrong with being me." I came to accept myself for who I really was.
To be blunt, all of my insecurities were inspired by a set group of people that I had idolized in my mind as being "what people like". Once I realized that those things really didn't matter at all, that's when I truly was able to let go. Sure, I'm still somewhat self-conscious and that's okay. But I've also grown into a confident young woman who can speak her mind in front of others... without all those fears of judgment crashing down on me. I can now look into someone's eyes as they speak. Of course, that scared girl is still somewhere within me, but she's fought to overcome these monsters... andshe succeeded with flying colors.
I used to walk into a room of people and immediately wonder if they liked me. Now, I look around and wonder if I like them.
I realized that if someone wants to spend their time bringing me down, they're already below me.
I also came to understand that a head full of fears has no space for dreams.
As Taylor Swift once said, it "seems like the only one who doesn't see your beauty is the face in the mirror looking back at you."