To The Boy Who Will Never Want Me How I Deserve To Be Wanted,

Before I start, I just want you to know that I don't blame you. I understand that I am not everyone's cup of tea and that it'd be ignorant to expect you to want me the way I want you. But that's the biggest question, isn't it? How do I want you? I want you in the purest way you can imagine. I want to love, support, cherish, and help you.

I want to love you in a way that scares the deepest part of your soul. I want to love you in the way that you have never imagined and will never quite understand. The way I want to love you is extremely hard to put into words, but here I am, trying my best.

The love I want to give to you can only be compared to a mothers love. I want to love you through the good, the bad, and the awful. I want to love you through trials and tribulations. I want to love you in a way that scares the shit out of me.

I want to support you so badly. You play sports and there is no doubt in my mind that you're going to make it big in any sport you choose. I was at every football game you had thus far this year, but you have no clue how badly I wanted to be sitting with your parents and grandparents with a custom shirt with your number on it.

You play baseball and I'll be at every game, but unless you ask you'll never know you're the reason I'm going to have to drop shifts just to watch you play the sport you love with your entire heart.

Aside from sports, I want to support you in anything you choose. I know deep down in my heart that you are meant for greatness and will do amazing things in this world, and I just want to be there for the ride supporting you even when you feel like you have no one.

My sweet boy who is never going to be mine, you have no clue how bad I want to cherish you. My friends think I'm crazy for never ballsing up and telling you how I want you, but I know you would look at me differently and that would hurt more than loving you from afar does. I want nothing more than to comfort you after a long day.

I want so desperately to hold your hand and hold you when you need it. I want to be the one who's touch calms you in the midst of your storms. I want to be your shoulder to lean on when walking on your own becomes a little too much. I want to be the person you know will always be there for you to fall on.

Oh, how I want to help you. I want to help you so badly because I know the potential you have. I want so badly to push you to be the person I know you could be. But I also know that no one wants to be pushed to be something they can't see in themselves, and that is where the problem lies.

You don't see yourself from my point of view. You don't see how amazing you could be and that hurts my heart. I want to bring the good in your heart and the grace in your soul out, but right now in your life, that isn't what you're focused on. I want to help you grow and prosper but you can't do either of those until you make up your mind that that's what you want.

You'll never want me like I want you, and I think I'm gradually becoming okay with it, although some days are harder than others. I want you in such a pure way, a way I'm not even sure you know how to want someone. You're still so young, and it'd be ridiculous to expect you to want me in a way you definitely won't understand. You still like the idea of having hoes and entertaining tons of females, and that's okay.

I said it's okay because I haven't even hinted that I want you. Right now, we're friends, and being your friend is a lot easier than telling you how I feel and you not talking to me again would ever be. I know you're never going to want me like I want you, so the easiest thing to do is to act like I don't like you and to put walls up; I know it's not a smart method but guarding my heart is always the safest method. I can only hope for the best and make up scenarios in my head that break my heart at this point.

So to the boy who will never want me, how I want you is how I deserve to be wanted, and I know you aren't capable of reciprocating my feelings, which is why I refuse to expose myself to you. You aren't my first rodeo and you won't be my last, so I know I'll get past you.