Dear you,
First off to clear all air, I don't hate you. There is a major difference between hurt and hate. I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me that even though you broke me, I came out a lot stronger than any of us ever thought I would.
As much as I loved you, I realized you didn't love me as much, or really at all... Because had you loved me, you would have stayed and fought for us. But God needed you in someone else's life instead. God told me I don't need you. That you aren't part of my plan in life.
I want to say thank you. Thank you for letting me love you more than I ever loved anyone. Thank you for the year of growth and strength and showing me my friends and my coworkers are the people I need in my life right now and that though I tried to salvage a 4 year friendship, it just wasn't going to happen.
It's funny how God replaces people in our lives randomly. I guess he sees this as "you're too toxic" for me. Which I won't lie you were. As I was for you. We were like oil and water, we just didn't mix. And for months, I hated myself. I hated myself due to my anxiety, I often blamed my past for quite a lot. You stuck by for basically a year, but when things got tough, you left.
I realized you were the cause for a lot of my anxiety. I freaked over small things. I over analyzed, which only pushed you further away. You didn't understand what I was going through, and honestly I didn't understand what I was going through. My depression didn't help either. I'd get upset and you didn't understand... Well I have one word for you.... Thanks.
Thanks you for showing me that while God replaces people in our lives, it's usually for a reason. Thank you for showing me that I deserve so much better than what you could ever give me. As I slowly drift from your life, remember that at a time I did love you so so much, and that I'd basically give up my life for you. Hell at one point I said I'd jump in front of a moving object just to save your life... That is how much I loved you.
While I still have my moments of "what if's" I also look back to see that you're completely out of my life for a reason. You were one of my best friends and it sucks that we couldn't have just moved past all this, but maybe it's for the best. Maybe you need to love her more than you "loved" me. Maybe she needs you more. And for awhile I couldn't accept it, but now I finally realize that I deserve the world when you could only provide me with a state.
I wish you well. I pray for you daily.
Love,
the one who got away