There are days it strikes me how odd it is that I don’t talk to you anymore. There are moments when something reminds me of you and I want to let you know. But so much time has passed that I feel like telling you these things would be weird.
I miss you. I miss texting you about every single stupid thing that happens in my life. I miss the way people would ask me where you were when you weren’t with me because it was a known fact that we were a packaged deal. I miss laughing with you and all of our inside jokes. I miss looking over at you and knowing exactly what you are thinking.
I miss your family and the way you used to fill me in on their daily happenings. I miss knowing that at the end of the day I had you, that when push came to shove, no matter how bad the situation might be, I knew you would be there. I miss my person, my other half and my best friend.
I hate when people ask me how you are doing and I genuinely don’t know. I hate that our conversations used to be so natural and seemingly endless but are now filled with awkward silences and formal "how-do-you-dos." I hate that we can now go days at a time without speaking to each other and that most of our conversations now start with, “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever!”
I'm mad at us for letting our friendship become this far gone. What happened? How did we not see this coming? How did we not feel ourselves starting to drift? It wasn’t like most friendships. It was the kind of friendship that neither of us could have anticipated coming to an end. It was us against the world and now it isn’t.
I am sad because I don’t even know where to go from here. I don’t know what there is to be said. Nothing really happened to make it change, so how do we fix it? How do I make this horrible yearning for you go away? How do I shake the dreadful feeling of knowing that you are no longer just a phone call away? How do we find a way to fall back together just as easily as we fell apart?
The real question is, how did we end up here? How did we go from being best friends to practically strangers?
We were so weird, but instantly inseparable. Back when we were friends, I never dreamt there would come a time when you would not be in my life. I never meant to lose you, but it just kind of happened. Choices were made that led us both in different directions. Some of these choices may have been conscious decisions to let go of our friendship and others may have led to our unintentional drifting apart.
Finding someone at such a young age who completely gets you, has the same humor and lives in the same neighborhood, honestly made up the perfect childhood. We had so much fun just being with one another. I think we can both agree that having a best friend at such a young age created a pretty awesome childhood.
We planned to go to the same college, live in the same neighborhood (again), have kids around the same time so they could become best friends (or lovers) and eventually grow old together. We planned to be partners in crime forever and knowing that I was going to have a lifelong friend was such an amazing feeling.
We hit rock bottom together, we celebrated our successes together. We would get each other gifts for every single holiday and would make each other's birthdays such a big deal. We were literally inseparable.
We didn't leave high school side by side exactly and I so wish we did. In high school, we began to hang out with different people and quickly saw each other less and less. We would introduce one another to our new friends, but nothing was the same as it used to be. We got into a lot of really bad fights and would constantly scream at each other on the phone for more time than I'd like to admit. We were changing and so was our friendship.
Being inseparable turned into being very distant from one another. We would say, "Hi," in the hallways with half a smile, hiding the fact that we both knew our friendship was fading. People would constantly ask me, "What happened to you guys? You were the best friends everyone wish they had," and I asked myself the same thing every single day for months.
We knew each other perfectly and I did not know how to live life right without my best friend of more than a decade. We would occasionally text each other, seeing if we were doing well, but it was obvious nothing was the same.
Now, your life is foreign to me. I no longer know what’s going on in it and I wish things were different. But life happened. We drifted apart without really realizing. Given the chance, I’d love to have you back in my life; I miss being around you.
I want you to know that I am still here for you. It does not matter how much time and distance is between us or how much further apart we may drift. I will always be here for you. If you need me, I’m never more than a phone call away. Life may have separated us, but I still care about you more than you may know. If the day ever comes that you find yourself struggling, I hope you reach out to me. You will always matter to me, no matter where life takes us.
I hope wherever you are in your life, you’re happy. I look at your Facebook photos, your Snapchat videos and hear stories from other friends. I can tell you are doing amazing things with your life and being the person you were born to be. I hope you’re proud of everything you’ve accomplished so far because I know I am.
Little things remind me of you and I’ll think of you at the most random of times. I hope you know every time I think of you I send positive thoughts your way; I wish nothing but the best for you. And I hope, if nothing else, you remember this: I will always be here for you.
I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know one thing is for certain -- I will never find another friend like the friend I found in you. Thank you for everything. I miss you more than you could ever possibly know.
Thank you for always being there for me and having my back. Even though we don't go to the same college, who knows, we might end up being neighbors in a few years. We might even have kids that are partners in crime, just like we were. Thank you for all you've done for me.
All I want you to know is that, I miss you and still care. You are my best friend forever.