All throughout middle school and high school I was definitely the “fat friend.” Not the ugly friend with bad acne and a weird middle part, but most definitely the “fat friend.” I had a lot of friends growing up and everyone else was always tinier, prettier and was able to wear an A-cup bra.
As a freshman in high school I was on the junior varsity dance team and I couldn’t have loved it more. Being a dancer my whole life, why wouldn’t I love performing in front of a huge fan section under the lights on a Friday night? But, being on the dance team meant tight uniforms and athletic pants, two things I wasn’t a fan of wearing in front of hundreds of parents and fellow students.
I knew what all the guys at school said about me and I knew why they never wanted to take me out. I was the short girl that came with a lot of baggage, and when I was a freshman, no one liked baggage on a girl. I'll tell you that I’ve heard it all and some things more than once.
“She’s just bigger then everyone else, I’m not trying to date a bigger girl.”
“She’s cool man, but I don’t know. She’s got a big butt, but like not in a good-big-butt way, ya know?”
“If only she lost the weight… she would probably be one beautiful girl.”
“I don’t think I’d ever be able to go out with her, she’s just too big for me. Can’t be dating a girl bigger than me.”
After a while, I kind of got used to it. I’m not making this up, things like this that are said about you (and unfortunately told to you) stick with a girl forever, no matter how hard we try to forget about it.
I always thought a girl was supposed to be considered beautiful based on her personality. What if she could tell a good joke? What if she was outgoing and fun to talk to? Apparently those traits weren’t considered beautiful. The beauty department only carried sizes one, two and three, anything else was considered ugly.
There was a tweet written about me that changed my attitude towards all the negativity guys gave me. The tweet read:
"Boy, you already know I'm not going to be with a girl that's bigger than me. It ain't right."
It was about me and I knew it. Everyone knew it. In fact, someone asked me if I was okay with it, before I even had the chance to see it myself. Of course, I cried, I cried a lot; but the next day, I woke up, and told myself that was it. I wasn't going to cry every time some stupid boy called me fat ever again.
So, I took all of the comments that boys had ever made about me and used it to motivate myself. I pushed myself to wear tight clothes, re-vamp my wardrobe, and fix my not-so-happy smile. I took the hurtful words and used them to push myself to turn into someone they would later look at and think, “damn, she got hot.” Those hurtful comments and harsh words those boys said about me helped me push myself in a way that I couldn’t push myself, alone.
It’s been four years and I'm 50 pounds lighter and happier than ever; and I have all of those boys who called me fat and told me I wasn't skinny enough to be their girlfriend to thank for it. You boys changed my life; and I say "boys" because only little boys have the nerve to tell a girl she isn't skinny enough to be their girlfriend.
Some of you, in fact, have asked me out, or gone out of your way to tell me how attractive I’ve gotten since the last time we talked. I alway appreciate the gestures, but if it wasn’t for you guys, I wouldn’t be where I am today. In fact, you would most likely still be calling me the "fat friend" and not be thinking twice about it.
Because of you guys, I am happy with myself. You are all the reason I get compliments about how I look today and how proud so many people are of me. I never gave up on myself.
To all the girls who might be the “fat friend” right now, I’m here to tell you that you have to embrace it. Take the comments and whisper chatter about how you look and run them right to the gym. Use those words to motivate yourself to turn into someone you never thought you could be. Lose some weight and prove to those who didn’t think you could, that you can.
There was a light bulb moment for me and I guarantee there will be a moment for you. I can't tell you when or where it'll happen, but I can tell you that it will; and if it doesn't, my hope is that I could be the one to help you get there.
There is nothing more satisfying then looking the boy who once called you the “fatty of the group” in the face and happily rejecting him on that date he'll ask you on after he sees how you've changed; and walking away from him you will find yourself smiling brighter than you ever have before.
But.
You must remember...
Do not change because you want to be good enough for a boy.
Do not change yourself so you can be that boy's girlfriend next year.
Do not change for attention.
Do not change just to say you went from a size 12 to a size four.
Change for you.
Because being the girlfriend he wished he had, with a little attention to follow, and the ability to say you dropped a few pants sizes is just a part of the package.
