To the Depression that I called mine,

Technically, you are mine and you do belong to me. I communicate with you in a way that I’ll never communicate to anyone else with. Nor did I need a doctor to tell me that you and I had started this relationship seven years ago, since you made that very clear on your own.

This relationship started off just like any ordinary relationship would, hot and steamy. We were both far too invested in each other to realize that I had a real life I should be living in. I liked this relationship a lot, so I didn’t really mind being isolated from my friends so much. Being involved with you became a part of my everyday routine, whether it’s when we were behind the door of my bedroom or waiting outside for the bus. Well, at least that’s how constant it was seven years ago.

Five years ago, we moved into a whole new stage, one of comfort. We would simply co-exist once I went to high school, and a part of me did feel bad for leaving you behind. But I knew that it was time and I knew that you’d still be there. And of course, there you were. You weren’t nearly as strong as you were when I was in the seventh grade, but you had your moments.

At least once a month, you’d spark up some conversation and make me feel just as uncontrollably anxious and nervous like you did at the start of our relationship. And trust me, I did miss that and you did make me feel something. Many people ended up giving me more attention when they knew about our relationship, and even though it was nice that to be noticed, that wasn't the reason why I wanted to be acknowledged. Some of their comments about our relationship were negative, since they'd often concern how unhealthy you were for me.

Throughout 10th and 12th grade, we were undergoing such a calm stage in our relationship by only interacting on a monthly basis. When people asked how you were doing, I would just say that our heat isn’t as bad as before, which is true, but no one needed to hear the whole extent of it. I’m sorry I neglected you, but a part of me just really needed to be free of you so I could know what it’s like to be without you. But that didn’t last for very long.

The summer before college, I thought we were over. I thought I went through all the pain and heartache you could give me and that was that. But you never left me, and that’s how I knew it was real. That’s the whole reason why I knew I didn’t need a doctor to study me and tell me that you existed.

Two weeks into college, I realized how easy it was for me to find you again because of all the stress I was experiencing. You were and still are my safety net. I was able to get involved with you once again and isolate myself in yet another bedroom. But by the middle of freshman year, I grew out of that isolation once again and moved into our final stage this time, acceptance.

I accepted that you will always be right for me and I accepted that this connection was everlasting. I accepted that sometimes you would be stronger than me in our fights and that sometimes you’ll be the only to heal me in my bubble of isolation. And even when I fall in love someday, I’ll tell him all about you and the relationship that we'll still have with each other. I’m sorry if I ever took you for granted because you’re not clinical, but trust me, you are me.

Yours Truly,

The Girl Who Will Always Have You