Losing someone you love is never an easy thing. I learned this at a young age when I suffered my first loss of someone that I loved, my grandmother when I was only 9 years old. It’s hard, it’s painful, and it’s ugly. But what you have to learn is that this pain ends and that even though you never stop missing them, the memories you have with them is what will get you through. Even though, I always feel like I have so much I wish I could tell you.

I’d start with how much I miss you and how much life has changed since you’ve been gone. I miss your words, how you always asked me how I was doing or telling me how much you loved watching me change as I grew up. I miss the way you always had peppermints and strawberry hard candies waiting whenever I came over and how no birthday was complete without a velour jumpsuit. I miss how you were always there for every holiday and how you could make anywhere feel like home.

I’d tell you all about my life and talk to you about all the things you haven’t been able to see since you had to go. I’d tell you about all the people in my life, new people I’ve learned to love and even about the ones I’ve lost to heartbreak and to change. I’d tell you all about how much you have helped shape me as a woman and how much losing you has made me appreciate life a little more every day. I’d tell you about all of the things I’ve done, my successes and my failures and how everything I do, I do for you.

I’d pray to you to keep me safe, just like you have every day since you left. But more importantly, I’d pray to you to continue to watch over my family and help them through their own failures, their own successes and the pain of losing you too. I’d pray to you to make sure that my friends stay safe and that they find guardian angels of their own as great as you. But most of all, I’d pray to you to never forget me and to never give up on me, because there hasn’t been a day since you’ve left that I’ve forgotten you and I never will.

Finally, I’d remind you of all the good times we had together. I’d remind you of how much I loved the Jello you made every holiday and how your cake recipe still is a family tradition every March. I’d remind you about all the times you told me that you loved me, but more importantly, of all the times I told you that I loved you. I’d remind you of how much I cherished the time that I did get to spend with you, even though it was short and our days were numbered. Lastly, I’d remind you how much I loved having you as a grandmother, and how being your granddaughter is one of my favorite things.

Grandma, I miss you with everything that I have, I wish every day that heaven wasn’t so far away and that I make you proud. However, knowing you’re watching over me from above every day without you just a little bit easier. But just know, if they ever build a bridge to heaven, I’ll be the first one on it on my way to you.