They say you never forget your first love, and I think they’re right. There are some things that I’ll see and think of you forever, no matter how old I get or where I am in life.

I have seen every episode of How I Met Your Mother, twice. & it was all because of you. It was your favorite TV show & I told you I had never seen it all the way through just to see how you would react. So, we started it. & made it to season three before we got distracted. I walked into the house the other night, my little brother had fallen asleep with the TV on.

It showed Robin walking into the bar on Ted’s wedding day, and the only thought I had was “Wow. That’s going to be us someday," when six months ago you were the one I was planning on marrying.

We were in the car the other day and that Panic! song came on. Don’t tell me you don’t know which one because I know you do. You can’t forget that night, no matter how bad we want to. I couldn’t help but to slow down as I passed the road that led to your grandparent’s house. I turned the radio up and just wondered, where you were, if you had eaten today & how work was. Little things friends could ask one another, but I don’t trust you to be your friend. How do you be just friends with the boy who showed you what love and heartbreak felt like with just a sweep of his hand?

I drove past that spot on my way home. Yanno, that spot, right around the big curve. The spot that will be infamously known by my friends and heart as “our spot”, I just smiled at how stupid I had been. How young, dumb and naive I had been. But I wouldn’t change it. I wish I could think of you back then. I wish I could remember the way your hands touched me like I was a delicate porcelain, shattering if you touched too hard. I wish I could remember your lips searching, questioning mine for answers I didn’t know the meaning of.


I hope you’re okay today, tomorrow & always. Try to remember to eat, don’t drink too much & read a new book this week. You were always so happy when you were reading.

Love Always,
Lex.