To My Ex, Thank You
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Relationships

To My Ex, Thank You

The lessons I learned from a relationship that hurt me.

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To My Ex, Thank You
Photo by Saiarchana

To the Boy Who I Thought Was My Destiny,

Thank you for leaving me. Thank you for all the words and actions you did that hurt me.

Thank you. It brought clarity to me. It made me cry, and it that pain it showed me that I need to stop chasing people who don't know how to reciprocate the amount of love, time, and respect I have to give to them. I am finally understanding that the love I had in my heart for you wasn't reciprocated, and someone as loving as I deserve someone who loves them sincerely back.

Thank you for making it seem like you were settling for me. The moment you told me that, it made me realize that I would be settling for you if we were still together. I deserve a boy who sees me as treasure, not as someone to settle for.

Thank you for not making me feel valued. It made me realize that in order to feel valued, I need to stop looking outside of me for the validation that I can only find within. You helped me realize that I do have value, and when we ended, I finally started realizing it. I finally started realizing my value when I didn't have you in my life. I realized the more I had been chasing for validation outside of me, the more empty I felt inside.

Thank you for breaking my heart and cracking it wide open. Now, it is allowing to let the light in and reinvent my understanding of love and human connection. For, what we had could never be what love truly is. Love has to be more than this… it has to be. Love should never be more painful than uplifting.

Thank you for trying to fix me. It made me realize that healthy relationships are where partners help each other grow, not fix each other. And I will never ever again be with someone who tries to "fix" me as if I'm a project. It was never your job to fix me and my life problems. The only job I wanted you to have was to love me.

Thank you for making me feel inadequate. For it is showing me that no person (even someone who I love so so so deeply on a level I never loved before) will ever be able to define the immeasurable worth that exists within.

Thank you for leading me on and then breaking my heart. It showed that even though my heart knew you weren't my soulmate, I kept on coming to you in hopes that you would help me feel loved in this world. And when I ended up feeling the opposite, it helped me realize that there is a whole universe out there who loves and cherishes me deeply and unconditionally, and there are so many people in this world who know how to treat me right. I should've listened to my heart the moment it told me you weren't for me. This powerful experience will teach me to never question my heart again.

Thank you for the lack of ability to acknowledge my emotions. It is teaching me that I don't need others to acknowledge my pain, because I don't need to seek validation outside of me, especially from the people in my life who don't seem to care.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you. For helping me not feel numb anymore. These past few weeks I've unlocked such deep pain and wounds I never ever wanted to feel, and this whole situation has taught me that going numb can no longer be my way of living. Feeling is healing.

Thank you for causing me to cry so much. It's been so cleansing to not be numb to life anymore. Tears are healing.

Thank you for trying to change me and make me the woman you wanted me to be. It taught me that instead of becoming the woman you want me to be, I'm going to become the woman I want me to be.

Thank you for cracking the foundations of what I thought my life should be. My relationship with you has reached such a climax that it's causing the foundations within me to crack and it's so beautiful. Because now I am deeply invested in transforming and not living in the victim mentality anymore. I can no longer be the person I once was because if I do I won't be able to survive. I need to become the person the world needs me to be, and all I need to do is be myself. I don't need to get "swag" or be hot like you made me feel I needed to do. I just need to become exactly the person I am and return to my original identity, which is love.

Thank you for ending things with me all of a sudden. It was divine intervention from the universe. My destiny is much larger than one shared with you.

Thank you for teaching me self-reliance. When I was with you, I felt like I could always find safety in your arms. That was what was keeping me going with everything that happening in my life. But, then after everything, I realized that it's too much to place all my hope in just one human being. I'm so sorry if you felt pressured to save me from my struggles. All I truly wanted was to feel loved. That's it. That was your only job. But now this is teaching me that I don't need a boy to be loved. I don't need a boyfriend in my life to help me feel like everything is going to be okay. I just need to connect with the energy of love from the universe again and hold myself in my own arms.

Thank you for teaching me to let go of control. I felt like being with you helped me feel in control of my life. With you, everything seemed so planned out. We would talk about marriage and kids, and everything felt so controlled. So... when you left, it made me surrender to the divine plan and trust that the universe has a better, more fulfilling beautiful destiny for me.

Thank you for teaching me what it's like to not feel wanted. You are your own person with your own wants and desires, and you have shown me that you don't want me. And that's okay, love. Because you always deserve to have what your soul wants in this lifetime. And ahh, that hurts, but it's showing me that there is someone who will want me with every bit of their heart.

And, perhaps it meant so much to me for you to want me because I don't want myself. So, I'm going to start wanting myself.

Thank you for teaching me how heavy resentment feels. It's so heavy. You're showing me that no matter how much another person causes me harm, holding on the resentment only augments the harm instead of healing it. I no longer want to hold resentment towards you and the things you put me through. For, that only increases the pain I feel.

Thank you for teaching me forgiveness. For, even though you have entered my life and caused so much pain, I will no longer let it stifle my heart. I'm going to teach my heart to love despite the pain it can feel. I'm going to open my heart. You are teaching me forgiveness. Because of everything that's happened, I have decided that the goal of my Summer will be forgiveness.

My motivation used to be to keep you in my life. But, now it is to keep myself. I lost myself this year and I'm going to find her again through the practice of forgiveness. Forgiving you for what you put me through. And forgiving myself from straying away from my truth, which is love. For, life is meant to be lived in love. And being with you wasn't an act of loving myself. Because it hurt so deeply.

I am so grateful that you are teaching me forgiveness. For, one day I want to look at you and instead of feeling pain, feel love for myself. For, even though there were so many things you did that hurt me, there were things that you did that uplifted me.

Like holding me in your arms when I cried.

Like telling me jokes and helping me laugh.

Like listening to what I was going through.

Like motivating me to work on my schoolwork when I lost the drive to.

You have done things in my life that have benefited me, and I want you to know that I'm grateful for them. But, that doesn't mean the things that you did that hurt me are okay. They brought me so much pain and I hope you never treat another girl like that again. I am grateful that you hurt me because it is teaching me to redefine what healthy love is and return to my own power and light.

I'm so excited to see the real me again! Thank you. For causing me to crack open. And no longer deal with anything that isn't in alignment with my truth, which is love.

But, I want to tell you that you don't have to worry about me carrying resentment towards you. I am consciously working on freeing myself of it. We all make mistakes, so as I practice forgiveness, I ask is you also do that with yourself too. Maybe one day you will realize how hurtful and not okay your actions were, and I pray that you soothe your guilt with forgiveness and the determination not to repeat the mistakes you made again. Perhaps life is also cracking you open right now, and the person you once were is no longer the person the world needs. But, the person you're becoming and working towards is one that will bring so much light in this world. Don't lose sight of that. I would never have been with you in the first place if I didn't see light in you.

I just wanted to let me know that I'm not going to let what happened to ruin me. But, I will let it break me. But not in the same way I thought it would. I will let it break me open to love, light, authenticity, healing, originality, and forgiveness.

What we had isn't what love is meant to be. And that makes me so grateful. For, there is more to love than this.

Thank you for all the lessons you taught me.

Sincerely,

Your Ex-Lover

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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