Each day that goes by, I tell myself that I get stronger. The thing is, I don't know if I'll ever be my definition of strong again. The kind of strong I was when you were constantly by my side. Whether I want to admit it to myself or not, I think you gave me a little bit of that courage. When you left the world, that courage went away too, and sometimes I don't know how to face this world without you...or maybe I don't want to.

I'd do anything in the world to bring you back. I know it's not possible, and I get it's not happening. I just needed you to know that for the rest of my life, you're going to be the dog I compare all of my pets to. You're making everyone else work to be up to the high standards I held you to, and I hope that up in Heaven that brings you some comfort.

I like to imagine you don't need it. I dream that you're up there looking down on me, barking at every mailman/repair guy that comes close. I close my eyes and envision a world where you have endless table scraps and no vet ever telling you that you need to go on a diet.

I pray that your world is much better than mine. In your world I hope there is no pain. I see a place where you get constant pets and can go to the bathroom where ever the heck you want. I ask God to never let you feel the pain I feel from living in a world where you no longer get to be apart of.

Those are my biggest wishes for you, and I already know if you could talk, what yours would be for me.

You'd wish I'd never cry one more tear again because the taste of them to you were rather salty and you preferred the leftover milk in my cereal bowl instead.

You'd ask God to let me find another dog that I love with my whole heart, and don't worry I have. (I just dread the day when I'll have to say goodbye to her like I did you, and that makes it all the more hard).

You'd pray for someone to keep me warm at night because you always knew how I woke up freezing and in need of some cuddles.

Lastly, you'd ask for a dog most worthy to get my table scraps-because you know (as well as I do) I always saved the very best of them for you.

You know what's even crazier than still knowing you this well? Is the fact that it has been a year and a half without seeing you walk down the hall, or howl with excitement when you see me again after a few hours, and I still look for you in the same spots you use to lay. It still gives me a sick feeling inside when I don't see the toy you use to carry around with you everywhere, or the bones hidden in random places. I wonder if those feelings will ever go away. Part of me doesn't want them to because thinking of those times seems so real, and you were real. I never want to forget that.

You were my very best friend. You watched me grow up, and even through the hard moments-when you couldn't say anything at all-you still managed to make me feel better. There were times I didn't want to do anything at all, except lay in bed and cry. You didn't judge me for that, and you never made me get up and carry on with my day. You simply cuddled next to me and comforted me in the exact way I needed to be.

I don't know if I ever got to tell you thank you. I know you wouldn't understand me even if I tried, but I always felt that deep down, you knew how I was feeling. So if in another world you're able to still feel what I feel, I hope you sense all of the gratitude I have for you. If you aren't able to yet, it'll still be waiting for you years to come. I will always love you, and I'll always be thankful.

I'll see you again someday, and when I do, please be ready for the belly rubs because I've been saving some up just for you.