I don’t know what to call you since we never truly dated. We were beyond a friendship but didn't hold the title of girlfriend or boyfriend. We both shared lots of memories and feelings together. Now looking back, I can see those emotions were purely one-sided. I treated you like we were actually in a relationship. I wouldn’t flirt or hangout with any guys I knew that liked me. That wasn’t the case for you at all. I had to pretend I was okay with you seeing or hanging out girls since in fact you weren’t my boyfriend. I didn’t want to push you away by complaining when I would see you hangout with your female friends.

You always knew how much I cared about you. There should have never been a doubt that I would drop everything and anything to be with you. Although, if someone asked me how you felt about me, I honestly can’t say I know or knew how you feel about me. You told me you really liked me, and I needed to hear that. It made me feel like somehow we'd have a chance. I want to say you cared the same way I did, but in reality I was just another girl to you.

After every relationship failed we’d find our way back to each other with open arms. I always wondered why didn’t you ever pick me to be your girlfriend? I treated you way better than any of your ex’s. You couldn’t look past the fact that I won’t ever be the girl your not over. No one will ever live up to your exception of being her. You chose to be with someone who hurt you emotionally and mentally. Which caused you to not want to date anyone for a long time. She tarnished your outlook on future relationships and love. I wish you could see how happy I could make you. I never once made you question my feelings or motives. Yet I still find myself questioning yours.

Maybe the thing about “us” or whatever you called this was that we weren’t meant to be. I know I deserve someone that cares about me as much as I did you. Somehow I just can’t seem to get over you. No matter how many times I tell myself I’m better off without you, I just can’t let you go. I'm moving away soon, which means I won't be able to see you often. I had to deal with you leaving and I stayed here. This time around I'm the one leaving and your staying here. The times I am home though, I hope I see you around.

I don’t know how to move on or even if I really want too. Deep down I hope you do care about me and will wake up and realize that I’m always going to be here for you. Even if we haven’t talked for months and you called me at 3 a.m. I’d still answer, I always will. That’s the difference between you and I though, no matter what I’ll be here. I was here when you were dealing with the pain of your recent breakup. Or that time when you were trying to figure out what you wanted to do with your life. I was there for all of it.

I need you to be honest with me whether you want to pursue a future with me. I’m scared to ask you this, because I don’t think I’ll like the response you have to say. I want to think you’ll change your mind this time around and tell me I’m everything you ever wanted. The sad part about this all is, I know for a fact that if she wanted you back, you'd go running back into her arms. Then I'd be left here all over again wondering what went wrong. Why wasn't I good enough for you? What did she have that I don't? Hopefully sooner or later you remember that I'm always going to be here.

Until then, I am stuck in this confusing area of more than friends but less than a relationship.