Dear ex-best friend,

I hope you're okay, first of all. I don't know where you are or what you're doing, but I hope you're happy. I hope you got into your dream school and are pursing medical school like we always talked about. I hope you didn't give everything up for that boy I couldn't stand. I hope you finally realized how much better you could do.

Maybe it was me. Have you thought about it, too? What happened? Why we don't talk anymore? I thought about it. Maybe it was because I hated that boy and you loved him. Maybe you chose him over me. I'm sorry I couldn't hold my tongue for the sake of our friendship.

Maybe it was you. You started pulling away and I didn't keep trying to hold on. Maybe you didn't want me in your life anymore, for whatever reason.

Have you ever thought about how strange it was? Best friends since fifth grade and all of a sudden senior year hits and I can't even make eye contact with you. There was no fight, no fallout, just suddenly it was like you were a stranger.

It's even weirder to see pictures of you on my phone or on my Facebook. I tend to forget we were even friends. It was like a blur. No closure, no conversation. I read our old conversations on Facebook messenger to remember the fun we had. We had so much fun. We were inseparable. That's why none of this makes sense.

You knew every little thing about me. I told you things I didn't even know how to tell myself. I remember our sleepovers when three in the morning hit and we couldn't breathe we were laughing so hard. I remember crying in your bed over whats his name and you rubbing my back. I remember riding our bikes to get ice cream and us laughing so hard that you fell over. It was so long ago that it almost feels like a dream.

I didn't like your boyfriend. I really didn't. I never really told you why. I probably never will. He changed you. He made you a different person. He controlled you in ways I couldn't even comprehend. I'm sorry I wasn't the friend who could watch it happen without saying anything.

You didn't like my view on life. I didn't need a boyfriend or want one and you couldn't understand that. I hated that you pushed guys on me, hoping I'd date one of them. You hated how independent I was and I hated how dependent you were.

Junior year was the last year we talked. I remember our last conversation. I was in the halls and you asked me what I was doing over the weekend. I told you I was busy, but I wasn't. I just didn't want to hang out with you. All you ever did in that time was talk about your boyfriend. You nodded. Those were last words we spoke.

I remember senior year feeling eerily fine without you. That's why I let go. I didn't need you and you didn't need me.

Fourteen year old me will forever be grateful for your constant friendship and laughs. However, nineteen year old me is just fine without them. I wouldn't have done things differently. Maybe we were meant to be temporary.

In any case, I'm glad I met you.

Best,

Ali