Seven words you don't hear often, or ever.
"You're allowed to be mad at God."
It almost sounds like taboo…to be angry at your higher power.
Things in your life haven't been going your way. Major and terrifying changes in life. Multiple horrific things shifting the axis your world turns on. Finding out that even the things you never thought God would take away aren't safe. We've all been there.
You're allowed to be mad. You're allowed to be hurt. You can shake your fist at God and beg him to answer the infeasible question of "why me?". Or even, "How could you?". You're allowed to be frustrated and hurt and angry because God redirected your life down a path you hadn't intended on traveling upon. It's painful when you feel as if the roadblock in your life won't be lifted until you receive the lesson the Lord has intended for you; and when you just can't see what it is!
Trust me, you're not alone.
People used to look at me like I was crazy when I said "I'm angry at God for what is happening in my life." because being mad at God isn't common. The truth you have to face is that maybe God put you in a situation where He knew you'd be angry. A test of faith that never seems to end. Sometimes, it feels like maybe God is madder at you than you are at him.
But let me let you in on a little secret. Anger doesn't nullify love. Feeling angry at God isn't synonymous with hating God. He's blessed us with a plethora of emotions, you're allowed to feel them.
I remember a very prominent time in my life when I was furious with God. Somedays, I still am. I had gotten sick again, I was about to lose my house to foreclosure, and my grandad became terminally ill. One thing after another, it seemed as if there was no light at the end of the tunnel… and if there was, it was the headlight of a train.
I lied on the bathroom floor that night, begging God for an answer as to why he had forsaken me.
He didn't. He was teaching me a lesson.
In fact, he might have taught me a few lessons that night. While I lied on the floor, picking at the molding on the wall with tears in my eyes, I wondered if this were the final straw. I asked myself 'How can I believe in a God that only wants to hurt me?' I was questioning everything. Wondering if having faith was even worth it anymore. I mean, it didn't seem to be making that much of a difference.
Then I remembered how empty I would feel without Him. I remembered that there was no way I would give up 100% of my faith. I was angry, but it taught me that there was no amount of anger I could feel that would make me throw in the towel. Even though the path that God was leading me down wasn't what I had intended, it was a path filled with lessons.
Believe it or not, I'm thankful for the times where I've been mad at God. It taught me that love feels other than emotions rather than just happiness. Love can be hurt and anger. Love can be gratefulness and joy. Anger is not the opposite of love. When the love you have for God runs so deeply into your veins, you realize that being angry at him isn't a sin. Anger means you love Him. Anger means that you're invested in him enough where you feel as if you have something to lose. That anger comes from love and fear.
You can be angry at God, but that doesn't mean giving up.
Just as you could be angry at a family member or significant other, that doesn't always mean that you're done for good, right? With other humans, you can reach a level of constant anger that drives you away. How much anger do you have to feel in order to walk away from God? I can't think of a limit. Even with how far my mind can travel, how badly I could be hurt, I can't give Him or my faith up.
Loving God may be unconditional, but being mad at God comes with conditions. You can be angry, but you have to acknowledge that the path you're on is the path he intended for a greater purpose. Maybe that greater purpose isn't visible and it feels like worthless pain, but it's there. It's either a lesson, a prevention of something worse, or a detour towards the happier side of your life. You can be angry, but don't let it destroy the faith you have within Him.
Anger is okay to feel. Anger means that you care; that you have any emotions at all that are attached to God. If you felt nothing, not anger or disappointment, then you aren't as close as you need to be with God. Emotions are a beautiful thing, even the negative ones. It's a beauty to be able to feel different things, an array of emotions that are never quite static. God intends for us to feel the emotions that we're meant to feel, and sometimes, anger is that emotion.
Be mad. Scream, yell, and kick because you're mad. Just don't give up. Let the anger fade once you've made your peace. Allow your emotions towards God to revert back into utter happiness. Keep him so close to you that you still walk by his side even in times of anger and hardships. Understand that whatever he is doing to you is for a reason bigger than your understanding.