To Be An Outlander

To Be An Outlander

While everything indicates this is my home and my true place of origin, I can’t help but feel like a foreigner.
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From the moment I could dream, I always dreamt of living a life anywhere but here. While it was hard to imagine for a long time, eventually my dreams became so vivid and surreal to me that the longer I stayed in the sleepy town I’ve called home, the more pain I felt in my heart. I was born here, I grew up and went to school here; I met my best friend, fell in love, had my heart broken and so many big things--both good and bad--have happened to me here. But the problem is, I don’t want to stay here. While everything indicates this is my home and my true place of origin, I can’t help but feel like a foreigner. I feel like I’ve been visiting, and eventually, became a hostage to the town so many people I know and love have decided to call home.

It is so hard explaining to someone who doesn’t quite understand. How do I explain that I do not belong here when everything is telling them otherwise? My family has planted roots here from the moment New Braunfels was founded. My family legacy is deeply seeded within the streets and bustling shops and monuments of this German founded Texas town. While it has many quirks and things I love about it, and things I will never find anywhere else--I am willing to leave it all behind. Because while this is my home, I know I do not belong. I am not meant to stay, and I am not meant to be buried in the same cemetery multiple generations of my family is buried in.

I don’t want to die here, I don’t want to continue writing my story here. But with limited resources and a crappy hand that makes it hard to do just about anything--what am I supposed to do? How can I make the move I know is necessary for me to continue to be happy, healthy and thriving?

I guess I just have to have faith. Because I was born here, and from the moment I knew there was more than New Braunfels, and more than Texas--I knew I wanted to see it. I didn’t want to stay, especially considering all the people here wanted nothing to do with me.

There is nothing left for me. I have nothing left to contribute, and I feel that this chapter of my life has come to an end. But, what do I do from here? I will have to find out, but I know one thing to be certain: it’ll be terrifying, it’ll be wonderful, and it’ll work out just as I need it to.

Because God has a plan for me--and it does not include me staying in a place where I am not thriving, unhappy, and have done everything I was meant to do.

New Braunfels--you are my beginning, but I will not allow you to be my end. I will leave one day, and one day I will return. But I won’t be coming home. I’ll just be visiting. This is not my home. I don’t know where home is yet, but I’m sure I’ll find it.

As for everyone and everything else--just have faith. Because sometimes having a little faith makes the crazy less intense. It makes it more bearable. Hell, my faith and determination (stubborness) is the reason I am alive, and the reason I can say with certainty that I won’t be a Texan for much longer. At least, not if I can’t help it.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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14 Stages Of Buying Jonas Brothers Concert Tickets As A 20-Something In 2019

"Alexa, play "Burnin' Up" by the Jonas Brothers."

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In case you missed it, the Jonas Brothers are back together and, let me tell you, they're giving us some major jams. For those of us who were there when it all began back in 2007 with their first album, It's About Time, this has been one of the most important events of the year. But nothing, and I mean nothing can rival the excitement every twenty-something felt as the Jonas Brothers announced their Happiness Begins tour. I, for one, put my name in for ticket presale, have been following every single social media site related to the tour/group, and, of course, listening to the Jonas Brothers on repeat. And if you did manage to snag tickets, then you know that this is how your brain has been ever since they announced the tour.

1. Finding out that they're going on tour

2. Hopefully entering your name into the lottery to get presale tickets

3. Finding out that you actually get to buy presale tickets

4. Impatiently waiting for your presale tickets by listening to their songs on repeat

5. And remembering how obsessed you used to be (definitely still are) with them

6. Trying to coordinate the squad to go to the concert with you

7. Waiting in the Ticketmaster waiting room...

8. ...And feeling super frantic/frustrated because there are about 2000 people in line in front of you

9. Actually getting into the site to buy the tickets

10. Frantically trying to find seats you can actually pay for because, let's be real, you're twenty-something and poor

11. Managing to actually get the seats you want

12. Joyfully letting your squad know that you've done it

13. Crying a little because all of the dreams you've had since 2007 are coming true

14. Listening to every single Jonas Brothers song on repeat (again)

If you, like me, have finally fulfilled one of your dreams since childhood, then congrats, my friend! We've made it! Honestly, of all the things I've done in my adult life, this might be the one that child me is the most proud of.

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Unveiled: Book Two of The Dark Secrets Trilogy

An excerpt from Unveiled by Katherine F. Messina

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I was brought out of my fitful sleep by Talya thrashing beside me. She nearly knocked me from the bed when she sat straight up, her beautiful sea-foam green eyes wide with fear. Her head jerked back and forth, and she took in her surroundings, relaxing once she recognized where she was. Her eyes landed on me as she launched herself into my arms, her shoulders racked with sobs. Her nightmares had gotten worse over the past few months, her minds way of trying to combine the memories of her former life with those of the eighteen-year-old girl she'd believed she was. I pulled her close to me, gently running my fingers through her hair. The fiery locks were like silk against my skin. We were past words. She simply needed my presence to ground her.

We had set up our headquarters in the kingdom of one of our ally's. Our kingdom was overrun by enemies. We'd been working for two months trying to rally our supporters. Talya was doing wonderfully. She was as strong and as fearless as I remembered.

"Archer?" she asked, her voice cracked, caused by her tears.

"Yes, my love?"

"Just making sure you're still there. Sometimes it's hard to tell."

"I'm here. I'll always be here. Every time you wake up."

Our eyes met, I pressed my lips gently against her forehead. Her skin was slightly damp from sweat. Talya pulled away slightly; then her lips were on mine with a sudden urgency. A loud knock startled us apart.

"Talya?" her human friend's voice filtered through the door.

I sighed as she untangled herself from me.

"I should go see what he wants," she looked at me wistfully. I eyed her shapely form as she sashayed to the door. When she opened it, the human came barreling through. He was like a miniature whirlwind spouting incoherent words every which way. Talya put both hands on his shoulders to calm him. I sat up; something was clearly wrong.

"I think we're being invaded!" Steven squeaked.

Talya's shoulders dropped as she looked at me, "Here we go again."

Steven huddled himself in a corner as Talya, and I dressed quickly. We gathered as many supplies as possible within the short amount of time we had. I motioned for Talya and Steven to gather around me, and they rushed forward. Heavy footsteps sounded outside of our door. Tension filled the air; I held my breath. I pressed my fingers to my lips, signaling for them to remain silent. Several faerie knights burst into our room. Talya jumped into action, drawing her sword and going for the closest enemy. Watching her fight was like poetry in motion. I drew my own blade, the weight familiar in my hand. A knight rushed towards me, sword drawn. I parried his blade effortlessly. We met each other blow for blow, a deadly dance of steel. He was skilled, but just like any other foe I'd faced, he soon showed his weakness. A moment of distraction gave me the opening I needed. I thrusted my blade into his gut. I moved on to the next knight. Talya and I made quick work of the enemy, keeping the mortal behind us. When the last faerie laid dead upon the ground, we gathered together once more. I clasped each of their wrists. A familiar swirling sensation surrounded us as my magic moved us to another realm.

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