We have all been there at some point or another and one one side or the other when it's time for a breakup. Maybe it was a two week fling or a five year romance, but you were there. You didn't see it ending- especially like this. You imagined the movie clips right before the credits roll. You think about holidays like they're reserved for just you two. You rethink everything and analyze every single aspect of what was once your relationship. You probably sent some mean texts and most likely failed to acknowledge your own wrong-doing. You probably went through the stages of grief,,, before the Coldplay song you have going even ends. This is time for a whole new perspective, a whole new period of reflection, a whole new you.
Let yourself feel it for however long you want to.
No one is allowed to tell you you moved on too fast. No one is allowed to tell you that you've spent too much time thinking about it. Your feelings are on your terms and your timeline. If you want to lay in your bed and play sad songs and binge watch a drama series on Netflix you don't care about, do it. If you want to go out the very next night and meet new people, do it. Everyone's time frame is different, and those close to you should respect where you are at at whatever time you are at. There is no deadline to be over someone or a startling line when you're allowed to begin. This is your time only. It's going to be okay. It's going to be better. Don't let yourself live in agony when there is so much more out there for you.
Be comfortable being alone.
You do not need to run into the arms of someone else automatically. Learn what makes you happy. You need to be by yourself to see what you like and what you don't and get to know yourself. Because the fact of the matter is, no one can satisfy you if you can't even be content on your own. Get to know what qualities you love and what drives you nuts. Find hobbies that you never considered. Dive deeper into who you are and where you want to be, and work to close that gap. This time is for you and you're never going to truly understand yourself while being insatiably focused on someone else.
Hold your thoughts accountable.
They probably aren't the horrible monster you describe to your friends, but they also aren't the charming prince coming to save you. Be honest with yourself. There was most likely good and bad to the relationship, and from some perspective, the bad started to outweigh the good. Remember that. Don't lose sight of what drove you apart because you're sad but don't remember the worst like there weren't ever good times. Believing one extreme or the other in regards to your emotions can blindsight you from the reality of the situation which isn't fair to either party.
Get Closure.
Don't allow yourself to stay upset. You can't start a new chapter until you close the one you're in. Have that conversation. Don't be afraid to say what you think and how you feel. Go into it with a goal whether that's to clear the air, to be on good terms- then base the entire conversation with that goal in mind. If you go in without a set plan, you're emotions are going to get in the way. You need to focus around a solution instead of making the problems worse.
Find your ~real~ friends.
People are going to take sides. People will have their own thoughts and opinions on the situation regardless of their involvement with it. Your mutual friends will treat you differently, and you need to pay attention to that. Your friendships shouldn't be dependent on your relationship status, and if they are it says way more about them than it does you. But that's how you see who is worth it. You will have friends that crawl into your bed when you're upset. Friends that will check in any time it seems like you're unwell. Friends who will take time during their hell week of tests to give you their best advice. People who will convince you you're not as crazy as everyone has made you out to be. People who love you unconditionally regardless of who you're dating. These people matter. These people are important.
Realize this is for a reason.
This breakup is purposeful. Realize what you loved, what you hated- because all the wrong people get you closer to the one that will be the right one. Each person you date is a learning experience. It's a process of learning what you want, what matters to you, what is non-negotiable. When I look back at my first boyfriend or my latest, I realize the opportunities that opened. I can look back and see that is was truly for the best- for my benefit- whether or not it felt like that at the time. This is an open door to so much more, so much better, to a whole season of life that is even more directly focused on what you need.
Don't be a beggar.
You can't beg someone to leave you alone. You can't beg someone to love you. The right person should never have to be convinced to feel a certain way. You shouldn't have to persuade someone to respect you or your wishes. Peoples feelings are valid and you have to treat them as such. You should never have to fight for your worth or validity. Whether you love or hate this person who is now your ex, you can't convince them to feel the same way you do at your convenience.
Take it in.
This happened. This is positive. This is for you. All the time you spent investing into the wrong person can now go into the right one- yourself. All the effort that was spent trying to make something work that wasn't meant to can now go towards what truly makes you happy and makes you better. You have the space now to do and to be whatever and whoever you want. This is a transition into better things. This time is yours- and yours alone.