To All Of My Ex-Best Friends, Thank You

To All Of My Ex-Best Friends, Thank You

Thank you for leading me to the one that’ll stay.

Throughout life, most of us have several individuals who we identify as our best friends. I can count seven or eight people that have held that title in my life at one point or another. However, as easily as each one has slipped into my life, they have also faded into the past.

To my childhood best friend:

Thank you for playing with me every weekend. Thank you for playing dress up with me and asking for sleepovers all the time. Thank you for literally growing with me and learning more about who we are as individuals. I wish we could have kept in touch over the years. Losing you didn’t feel like a loss at the time, we just faded apart.

To the person I thought was my forever best friend:

Losing you was easily one of the hardest things I have experienced. Going from talking and gossiping every day to not even smiling at one another when we pass each other is unbearable. You and I made jokes about growing old and being crazy ladies in a nursing home together one day. I never imagined we wouldn’t even speak in college. You leaving hurt. Bad. But I have grown into someone you wouldn’t recognize today. I am stronger and more resilient than ever before. Thank you for showing me that I deserve a friend that will never do what you did to me.

To my rebound friend:

I’m sorry our best friend-ship was short lived. We hung out 24/7 and spent countless nights together. We shared deep secrets and discussed future dreams. I wish you could’ve been the forever friend that I lost. But you, like my next lost friend, chose a boy over me. And we couldn’t recover from that.

To the girl who chose her boyfriend over our friendship:

Wow. I never saw that coming. You were the one that was supposed to be independent and all about girls not prioritizing guys over their friends. But boy were you hypocritical. When you started canceling plans and spending less time talking to me, I thought it was just because the relationship was new. But as your relationship grew, we stopped hanging out all together and our friendship was over. Just. Like. That.

To the boy I thought would always be my best friend:

Thank you for showing me why I will always need a girl best friend. You were always there for me and sympathetic to everything I was dealing with, but you couldn’t give the kind of comfort a female BFF could give. As much as I appreciate every part of our friendship, thank you for showing me why this new friend should be the one that is my maid of honor one day.

My current best friend:

After all the lessons I have learned about friendships, I really think our friendship is here to stay. You have helped me through so many things and never asked for anything in return. Our time together never fails to be enjoyable, whether it’s a Netflix night or riding out to Starbucks on the scooter, we always have a good time. I am so thankful that God brought us to each other. I know I can always count on you, and I hope you feel the same way about me. Let’s pray we will be best friends forever.

Cover Image Credit: Seth Doyle

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.


When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

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Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

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Batter Up

Because someone needed to teach her rotten boyfriend a lesson about how to treat a woman.


I have this memory from when I was younger,

I must have been six, maybe seven? An age

When you can remember, but not quite

Understand. I remember the landline

Ringing sometime in the middle

Of the night in my grandmother's small,

But adequate house. I had been sleeping,

Tucked under a shield of satin covers,

My grandmother next to me, blanketless,

And stiff, on the very edge of the queen mattress

Like she was anticipating some sort of disaster.

It wasn't the phone that pulled me from my sleep,

It was my grandmother's instant jerk, her eyes

Flipping open quicker than a light switch,

The mattress springing back up, adjusting

To the new lightness as she fled the room. My waking

Was soft like a song. Slow and humane.

My eyes adjusting to the dark, my ears absorbing the ringing,

My mind reminding itself that I was at my grandmother's house.

Then, the ringing stopped;

Abrupt, like a disarmed fire alarm.

It was just a drill, I thought.

But, then I heard the mumbling

From behind the door, panicked mumbling.

Rapid, like gunfire. My grandmother's Rs

Rolling down the hallway and under the door crack.

She only spoke Spanish when she was angry.

The call ended, my grandmother returned to the room,

Wrapped me in a blanket, and carried me into the night.

She buckled me into the backseat of her Toyota and said,

We were going to Auntie Mandy's house because someone

Needed to teach her rotten boyfriend a lesson about how to treat

A woman.

When we arrived at the house, we found the front door

Wide open, the house lights spilling out onto the porch.

A truck, I had seen once before, was parked a foot away

From the front door, aggressive. The truck had trampled

Over the dandelions and daisies, which lay wounded

In the front yard. A scene that begged for investigation.

My grandmother told me to stay put in my seat.

I watched as she walked to the back of the car, her normally pretty

Face turned straight, looked masculine. I watched as she pulled

Something wooden out of her trunk, then in her feline walk,

Approached the house. She turned to me, and I saw the

Baseball bat, immense in her female hands.

I slouched in my seat, the window above my head.

I never saw her go into the house.

I don't remember how long I sat,

Until the red and blue lights came.

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