Today is Christmas (at least it will be when this article goes live)! However, at the time of its writing, I’m sure many are still searching for the perfect present for a loved one. And for the first time year, I got all of my shopping done early; half before it was even December, and the rest I finished last Tuesday (not that I’m trying to brag, but I am). So now my days leading up to the big day are full of excitement, wrapping everything I bought and imagining how happy everyone will be when they open what I’ve got them. And I put some real thought into it this year. An easy go to is a movie; especially for me and my brother.

He and I are absolutely nuts when it comes to films and TV. Him, even more so. Name a movie. Go ahead. I guarantee you that he can tell you the year it came out, who wrote it, directed it, and which actors were nominated for Oscars for that movie and whether or not they won. And if they didn’t, he can tell you who did and for what movie and relay all the same facts for that picture. I don’t know how he does it, but it’s pretty incredible.

But anyways, this year I refused to buy anyone movies. I insisted that I think more outside the box. And I managed to get some pretty cool stuff for my brother, and following my insistence, he and I came up with some really nice presents for our parents.

All that being said, if you’re stuck and in need of a last minute present idea, I have the answer you’ve been looking for; beer.

We all like it, and to be honest, we all need it around the holidays.

Now for the past six months, I have been working at my local beer distributor and since mid-November, we have been getting various box sets special for Christmas and the holiday season. Some of them are really nice; they’re packaged with an open face display, showing off the holiday festive label of each bottle along with the special glass that comes with it. But you see, that right there is perhaps the one thing in this world that absolutely, brings utter confusion to me… it’s only one glass…

Each box set has at least, AT LEAST, two beers. The majority have four to six (that is, where I work, they do). Now I’m not a math whiz, but I feel like four beers ratio to one glass, is a tad bit unbalanced. Dare I say insane?

And it’s insane for this one, very important reason that the mass oversight from these breweries causes the core fiber that links us as people in need of love and contact and family at this time of season to slowly deteriorate. People like having a set of glasses. It’s just one of those things. You buy a pair of shoes. Cars come with two sets of keys. You have two kids so neither one is alone during play time (one for each hand). Two feet, two eyes, two balls – two just makes sense! Even when buying hard liquor they come with a set of glasses. Only beer sets seem to have one.

One is, in fact, the loneliest number my friends and it’s disgusting that this has not been brought to the attention of the masses sooner (or maybe it has? I don’t know, could’ve been, but with the current atmosphere of the world today, everyone’s priorities are askew and no one is noticing this epidemic of one glass per box set catastrophe).

Even when you go online, glass sets come in pairs. I think it’s a rarity to buy one, single glass. Two years ago at Woodloch Pines Resort in Hawley, Pennsylvania, for a family reunion of sorts, my tribe partook in Name That Tune, one of the events that the resort holds. It is the hardest, most extreme, most high octane challenge where we… sit at a table, listen to some songs and see if we know the names of them. We go every year and every year we lose! And it’s horrible and we cry the whole car ride home, flooding the seats with our failure.

Only this particular time, my family won! We took the gold, swept the leg and paraded around to Bill Conti music. Go ahead and smile, you know you were hoping I was going to say that. And the prize for our victory; a glass with Woodloch Pines Resort written along its face (see, this wasn’t just a random tangent; it looped back, it always does). Now with four people living in my house, do you think we just got one, lonely glass? You can betcha bottom dollar we did not! We got four.

Glasses aren’t like mugs or steins where each one is special and an eclectic collection makes sense and is reasonable. You need at least a pair. Anything less is crazy and you should speak to a therapist if you think anything otherwise is normal (I’m only kidding, don’t go getting all offended. Relax, have a beer).

So to quote Steve Martin:

“If I had two wishes that I could wish for this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace… and the second (Saturday Night Live, 1991)”

And the second would be for these box sets to STOP INCLUDING ONLY ONE GLASS! And if we all wish hard enough, that wish just might come true. And is there anything more beautiful in the world than a box set of beer with two glasses, so you can share that beer this lovely, holiday season with someone you love?

So, with that in mind, if you’re in need of a last minute gift, get a beer box set, but… now this is important… buy two, because nobody want’s just one glass. Or if that doesn’t strike your fancy, book a trip to Hawley, Pennsylvania and spend a weekend in Woodloch Pines Resort, where the crumb cake is to die for and the staff treats you like family. Or hey, if you’re really in the giving mood, book me a trip and send one of those box sets. But it better be two because I swear to God if I get one glass, I will lose my mind!

All joking aside, Merry Christmas everyone, Happy Holidays, and to end this with one more quote that I think sums up the message of this season perfectly,

“Be excellent to each other (Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure).”