At first I was not sure if I would have the energy to watch the presidential debate. I was tired, and I have been watching a lot recently. Stuff like news coverage of the police shootings of Terrence Crutcher and Keith Lamont Scott, accessible footage of Black lives cut short regardless of raised hands in submission, and the consequent racial unrest that has unfolded and shattered communities such as Tulsa and Charlotte.
Despite how difficult it has been for me to fall asleep at night I cannot stop watching, and so it is no surprise that when Monday night arrived I tuned into the debate. I stared at my screen waiting until moderator, Lester Holt, arrived at the topic I had been anticipating: race relations and how police shootings of Black people are dividing the people of the United States.
Things got messy when the platform was handed over to the Republican candidate, Donald Trump. He immediately called for the necessity of law and order; according to him, Blacks and Hispanics in the inner cities are living in hell. Trump supported his argument by asserting that our communities are being decimated by crime because criminals and illegal immigrants are roaming the street and getting shot, and thus, we have to be strong and vigilant by implementing stop and frisk.
My problem arises in that Trump can’t possibly argue for law and order and then discredit the rendering of stop and frisk as unconstitutional. He can’t possibly argue that racial profiling is not an issue and not acknowledge that race determines how a person is treated in the criminal justice system. He can’t possibly argue that stop and frisk made New York City safer and negate to mention how it attacked and imprisoned people of color at highly alarming and disproportionate rates. At that moment I had wanted to scream what Hillary Clinton was hesitant to just a few seconds earlier—systemic racism exists and some police are implicitly bias against Blacks. It’s just a fact. Maybe, as Clinton cited, restoration of trust and respect, training for police officers and tackling gun violence will help. However, instead of being painfully real and identifying the problem, I watched the next political leaders of this country squirm on stage at a question that made them uncomfortable.
I heard Trump dare to mention Ferguson and not the name of Michael Brown. Instead, he named five police officers that were murdered in Dallas, because in his convoluted mind that is the extent of the bad things that are happening in this world. I heard Trump establish “these bad people” that are living in hell as Blacks and Hispanics and criminals and illegal immigrants that are synonymous to inner cities and the problems that apparently accompany it.
I heard Trump pretend like he knows what is best for America. He knows nothing. He doesn’t know what it feels like to identify as part of a marginalized group. To grow up and have to vote in your first election in hopes that your brother won’t be targeted, stopped, and brutalized when he walks down the street. His crime: being Black.
When the debate ended, I went online in a trance and purchased my first “Black Lives Matter” shirt. I didn’t know what else to do. I still don’t. But like I said before, I am getting tired of watching.