Two Tips to Stay Body Positive

Two Tips to Stay Body Positive

Don't get lost in what you think everyone expects you to look like
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It is 2107, and although there are many attempts to promote body positivity, it can still be hard to look at yourself in a positive way. On one hand, we have people like Ashley Graham who are killing the model game and then we have “plus sized” models who are in actuality a size 4 instead of a size triple zero. With the mixed messages being sent, it is kind of hard to feel like you’re “socially acceptable”.

Here are two ways to stay positive about your body.

1. Be Kind

Every morning after my shower, I look in the mirror and compliment at least one thing about myself. It is really easy to say, “my thighs are too big” or “I look bloated today.”

However, looking at yourself and finding something new and positive to say about yourself daily, will help you appreciate who you are. Keeping a log of all your positive comments along with the dates is a great way to boost your confidence whenever you are feeling not so confident. It is a reminder that each day there was something you found unique about your body, so unique in fact that you complimented it.

I also found this to be helpful when I started working out. Looking at myself I could see my body changing which motivated me to go to the gym. Seeing the transformation daily allowed me to feel how much control I had over my body. Seeing the working progress reminded me that I wasn’t getting smaller, but I was getting more toned, and living a healthier lifestyle.

2. Don’t Compare

It seems like forever, people have always compared themselves to others. Saying things like, “I wish I had her butt” or “her stomach is so much flatter than mine” may seem harmless, but let’s be truthful, it makes you feel like what you already have isn’t good enough. I always have to remind myself that what celebrities have isn’t always real.

Like yea sure Gigi Hadid really has that stomach, but she also has the money for the personal trainer, nutritionist, and whatever else you may need to maintain Gigi Hadid’s body. Those goals aren’t realistic because I know at least for me; their bank accounts will never match mine unless they somehow go broke. Also, sometimes their bodies aren’t real. For the longest time I didn’t want to believe that Khloe Kardashian’s but was real because she was working out until I had someone explain to me that her butt to thigh ratio is humanly impossible.

Instead, set reasonable goals for your body. Don’t use someone else’s body for inspiration; use your own body as your inspiration. Don’t say you want someone else’s body feature, instead focus on how you can improve yourself healthily. It is easy to get caught up in an intense workout plan until you crash and burn. It is okay to pace yourself. Never try to “perfect” yourself. Your mind is constantly growing and changing, so is your body. Don’t strive for perfect instead strive for a healthy better.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Your Body Positivity May Be Someone Elses Body Negativity So Don't Define Your Worth With Your Curves

It's time for women to focus on being strong rather than promoting being over-weight.

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Nothing bothers me more than scrolling through my Instagram feed and coming across a photo that is hashtagged '#Fatkini' or '#TheBiggerTheBetter' or '#LoveMyCurves'.

Don't get me wrong, I love that people that lack the picture perfect body shape are comfortable with their bodies or are they?

Does it ever cross your mind that maybe these people are posting these photos because they aren't comfortable with their bodies and because they are looking for the approval they need? They are just waiting behind their screen for someone to comment, "I love this!" or "you go girl!" just so they can look in the mirror later and not feel quite as bad about what they see.

The truth is, underneath the makeup they are wearing and the clothes they are promoting, their face is broken out because they aren't healthy, their knees hurt from the extra weight, they haven't been to the gym in 2 years, they can't keep up with their kids, and their curves are screaming from the laced-up corset underneath their shirt. Maybe these people are comfortable with the skin they are in, and I hope for their sake that they are, but chances are they aren't.

Let's look at it from another point of view.

Imagine you are battling an eating disorder. You are struggling to eat, you can't gain weight, you're pale, your hair is falling out, and people are starting to notice. How would you feel if you constantly saw people promoting having the weight that you just can't seem to find? You don't see these people posting on Instagram with #SkinnyIsInny or #SkinnierIsPrettier and you shouldn't be posting about your curves either.

Don't get me wrong. I'm tall, athletic, thick thighed (thanks dad), and decently curvy buy you will never find me promoting my size or my weight and you will never ever see me bragging about my body type. Sure, I'll post a picture in a bikini or laying by the pool with friends but talking about my size is not something you will find in the caption.

It's time for women to focus on being strong rather than promoting being over-weight. Wouldn't you much rather have someone comment on your amazing quads and rounded glutes than congratulating you for snapping a picture of your cellulite?

There are plenty of ways to be comfortable with your body without talking about it in the public's eye. Wear your most flattering jeans to a restaurant, strut your stuff in your cheeky bathing suit bottoms at the pool, wear tight leggings to the gym, but never promote your size, simply because you don't know what battles the people that are seeing your #Fatkini photo are fighting.

So, remember ladies: Curvy is in, promoting it isn't. Cellulite is natural, posting pictures of it isn't. Stretch marks are proof that your body has grown and changed or maybe even supported another life but talking about them will not make the stretch marks fade. Just keep in mind that your cry for a confidence boost may be someone else's breaking point. Don't be the reason they break.

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