I’ll start this off by apologizing to all the guys I used for this article. However, I am going to say that most of you need to work on your conversation starters, as well as your pick up lines.

My conditions for this experiment were I had to swipe right on everyone, no exceptions, and I had to respond if they messaged me. I started this adventure by mass swiping on everyone until Tinder told me no one else was near me, then I lay in wait.

Most conversations start with the guys complimenting me on my dog, a pug mix who is the light of my life. Several people will stop responding after they find out she’s a service dog. I probably should be offended, but I’m more relieved that the conversation ended. There are guys that would just send “dtf” and I would make random meanings for it: double the fries, don’t touch fire, donkeys taste fear. This usually ended the conversation or the guy would call me something his mother wouldn’t be proud of.

Two guys in particular really just dove right in, trying to capture my attention with crude comments and awful puns. I understand that some people use tinder for hookups, but using a school shooting as a joke to get in my pants won’t ever work on me or any girl. Ever. There is no universe where those so called “pick up lines” would work. After one boy successfully made my skin crawl from five miles away, according to Tinder, it became my mission to get him to unmatch me. His disgusting comments made this task a little easier, I would just turn them back on him. He then told me to tell him a joke so I responded with just his name. When he continued asking I said a good knock knock joke with the who’s there response of “not you”. He unmatched me and my inner celebration began.

One of my personal favorite pick-up lines was a guy named Jack who just sent the word “Titanic”. Then proceeded to say that his comment “wasn’t a good icebreaker”. After discovering this guy lived in my building I backed out of that conversation faster than Ted Cruz backed out of the election. So that one was done, or so I thought. He also figured out that we lived in the same building, my dog is a give-away, and we struck up a conversation about ourselves.

During this experiment I looked at what guys do to their profiles. Most have a shirtless picture of them that was taken in a bathroom mirror, while others only have group pictures where you can’t quite identify which guy you’re talking to. There are also a lot of guns and alcohol, those things don’t mix well in my opinion. Bios are a whole different territory. I saw a lot of “420 friendly”, “the guy you don’t tell your mom about”, varying heights, hobbies you know they probably did once, meme lover, and a lot more. I appreciate knowing a guy’s major and if they like dogs. Typically you can figure the rest of the stuff they put in their bio by just talking. If I have to scroll to read your bio, I’m probably going to swipe left.

Tinder is an app that is making some people millions, and other people miserable. If you’re looking for quality conversations I do not recommend using this app. However, if you’re looking for a quick hook up you should probably try it.