How Tinder Changed The Way I Date

How Tinder Changed The Way I Date

I stopped trying to be dateable and started being myself.
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Tinder. It's not something anyone readily wants to admit that they've used. At first, I was appalled and offended at the mere suggestion from my roommate to download the app.

I believed that Tinder was only for desperate weirdos who couldn't find anyone in real life and I wanted no part of it!

The whole idea of "shopping" for guys online totally creeped me out. Eventually, after much convincing and my own curiosity, I got over myself and decided to give it a shot because, why not? I'm a single girl with a busy major who gets nervous talking to cute boys; there was nothing to lose.

Yes, Tinder has changed the way I date.

It actually changed me for the better. I gained a new confidence I never knew I had.

So how did this dating app actually improve my dating skills? Well, it seems kind of backward to say I got better at dating from meeting people online, but hear me out.

What changed was simply learning to be myself and shifting my focus to the other person. This sounds like a no-brainer, but for a ruthless self-critic those two things are a lot easier said than done. I was always fixated on being dateable. This of course stemmed from worry of falling below someone's expectations. For people who already knew me, I feared that the normal me wasn't cool, pretty, or interesting enough to go on a date with. On Tinder, you meet someone completely new, so there are fewer expectations and no history. I had to change my approach to dating.

I stopped trying to be dateable and starting being myself.

Not knowing someone previously forces you to get to know them. There's less time to worry about yourself when you're genuinely trying to learn about someone else. This obvious fact felt like a revelation to me but allowed me to open up more than ever before.

I found that the normal me was good enough for a second, third, and fourth date. This bolstered my confidence more and I actually started to enjoy dating. It's not just stressful, it could be fun! Who knew? I learned to enjoy the company of my date and relax rather than overanalyzing myself (which I'm sure is a quite noticeable turn-off). It's so simple, but it took getting on a dating app to let go of my insecurities and figure it out, and I'm glad that I did.

Cover Image Credit: Glamour

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Why I Write For Odyssey

I love Odyssey for so many reasons and here is why I stay

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I started writing for Odyssey at my old school back in the way beginning of Spring 2018. It's been a little over a year of love and support and I wouldn't change that for anything. I applied to write for Odyssey way back when because I've always had a passion for writing and getting my voice out there.

Odyssey, you've given me so many opportunities and blessings that I can't thank you enough for. A while back I wrote an article that hit over 5,000 views and because of that thoughtcatalog contacted me asking me to write for them. For those of you that don't know about thoughtcatalog, it's a website that has over 25 million visitors monthly. Therefore, my writing was getting even more recognition than I ever thought imaginable, and that's all thanks to Odyssey and the amazing editors and presidents I've had.

When I started writing for FGCU odyssey, I got so much support from my team outmost importantly my president. It was such a welcoming environment where for the first time I knew my voice was being heard and welcomed. Then, I switched over to USF odyssey and I got that same loving and welcoming environment.

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